Ashes
by Bellaria
Summary: New Chapter: Jake spoke up beside her, his voice a lazy, cool, drawl.  Sam sighed, Gabe scowled, "that's not what I asked.""Yes but you can read," Jake shot back.
1. Chapter 1

**Prologue**

_Earth to earth,_ she chanted in her head along with the priest standing at the head of the grave, dressed in his too white robes that stuck out like a sore thumb amongst the sea of black.

_Ashes to ashes_, her eyes focused on the wooden casket being lowered into the ground. The pretty flowers lying on the lid, lily's her favorites. They too were to white, too pure. But they were her flower, they matched her perfectly. Her laughter, her happiness, everything about her. They should be the only white at the service, not that dumb priest in his stupid white robes. This was her day, a sad one, but it was still hers. She felt resentment swell up in her, threatening to boil over.

_Dust to dust_, and the sun was shining, it shouldn't be. It should be raining, it should be pouring, the wind should howl like she was howling inside because she was gone. It should tear up the earth make people scared and remorseful because it was through people's idiocy that someone so kind and loving was dead. The world should be angry and so should the weather.

_In sure and certain hope,_ she couldn't cry any more. She felt dry and empty. People she didn't even know were around her and crying. Sniveling into their handkerchiefs. She didn't even know them. She didn't know who they were and what they'd meant to her. A hand on her shoulder, black nailed and pale held onto her. Aunt Sue. Her sister was in that box, disappearing into the ground. If Sam had a choice she'd want to be turned to the ashes the priest was blabbering about and be spread on the wind. That is what should've happened for her mom. That way she could dance, dance in death as she had in life. But instead she was being buried under the earth, cold and hard and that was it.

_Of the resurrection into eternal life_.

The black clad people scattered. Like birds being disturbed they fluttered away, large black birds against the perfect blue sky that should be grey. Sam turned her face to the stupid sky, to the harsh sunlight and felt her lungs swell with the cold air. She hated all of them.

"Come on Sam," the hand on her shoulder gave a light squeeze.

Sam's cinnamon eyes closed, red bangs pulling and whipping, wake up, wake up, wake up, they said. _I can't_ she thought back, turned her eyes away from the sky and headed back towards the car waiting for them. Away from the grave waiting to be filled, and away from the tombstone, so bleak and desolate by itself. Hers should be beside it she thought bitterly.

_Here lies Louise Maryanne Forester_

_Beloved mother, cherished sister_

_May she rest in peace._

_

* * *

_

"Samantha! Are you even listening to me!?" the exasperated annoyed voice of her teacher cut across the classroom full of teens.

The girl with the long red hair looked up, pulling out a white ear bud by its wire. She arched a red brow in answer.

The teacher's eyes narrowed, "if you'll be kind enough to pack up your things and go to the principal's office. I think I've had quite enough of your attitude."

Sam looked at the teacher steadily, her head tilted to one side and then she shrugged. Picking up her books, shoving them into the black messenger bag and slinging it over her shoulder.

She took the offered note ignoring the looks on her classes anticipatory, eager faces, some shocked, some happy, she could care less. Pushing her bangs back from her eyes she slouched out of the classroom and headed down the hallway in the opposite direction to the principals office.

She made sure to drop the pretty _white_ note into the first trashcan she passed.

Sam hadn't felt like being in school today anyway.

* * *

She heard a door slam somewhere over her music and rolling her eyes she turned it up higher, louder, letting it pour out of her speakers and wrap about her.

"Sam!" the yell was harsh, heavy as the hand that thunked on the door.

The red head turned on her side, away from the door. "Turn that noise down and come and talk to me."

Talk? Talk was pretty useless, especially now.

"Please Sam," her aunt's voice was pleading.

Sam pulled a pillow up over her head and kept her eyes fixed on the poster of a cartoon character. It was a cool cartoon character, one she'd seen one day on nickelodeon, got obsessed with and found its picture in a magazine. Now she had a picture of Katara the water-bender on her wall.

There was a final thunk, tearing her attention away from the wall. She guessed that it probably her aunt's head against the door. And then there was nothing but her and the music.

Her lips pressed in a bitter smile, good.

* * *

Sue dialed the number she'd been fretting over for the last three months, since it had turned up on caller id four months ago. Since Louise had died.

She waited anxiously as it patched through and started to ring. She'd run out of options, completely at her wits end, nothing worked, there was no communication at all between them.

"Hello?" a voice asked, feminine and young. It sounded like Sam had when she used to rush to the phone to answer it. Back when she was young and innocent and not the jaded angry teen that was in that room by herself, slowly tearing herself in half.

"Hello," Sue replied, "is Wyatt there please?"

* * *

Sam glared mutinously at the table before her, bags packed already for her by the door.

"Don't look at me like that," Sue shot out as she crossed the room grabbing a caramel colored jacket off the back of a chair. Her blonde hair fixed in chignon, bangs framing her blue eyes. Lines about her mouth showing how distressed she was. She grabbed her keys on her next round of the kitchen.

Sam's cinnamon eyes were cold and hurt, "I can't do this anymore Sam. You make it harder everyday, it's gotten worse. Skipping school, missing detention, hell getting detention! Missing a meeting with the principal after being sent directly to his office?!"

Sue shook her head looking at Sam for something, anything to prove her that she was doing the wrong thing.

Nothing.

It was decided then, Sam was going to Nevada and that was that.

* * *


	2. ArcI: White Glittering Tears

* * *

_Am I supposed to be happy?  
with all I ever wanted, it comes with a price.  
Am I supposed to be happy?  
with all I ever wanted, it comes with a price  
You said, you said that you would die for me..._

_- Cat and Mouse, Red Jumpsut Apparatus_

* * *

**Arc I: White Glittering Tears**

_The radio played in the background as they sang along. Her mom's happy face was lit up by laughter and made brighter by the lights on the dashboard. The rain slick roads dark and cold lit by street lights occasionally gave her face a relief of different light. Her red hair was pulled back in a ponytail and her cornflower blue eyes were bright as they rocked along after coming from what was practically the best night of Sam's life, going to see a Silverstein concert. And her mom had loved it too, she was so bright so alive, so happy. _

_Sam loved that about her mom. How happy she was, how alive, how her. How she'd liked the music Sam listened to, had brought her the tickets and surprised Sam when she'd had a crap day at school. Her mom was awesome. _

_Reaching down, Sam quickly flicked in the cd and bobbed her head in time. She looked towards her mom. Her mom smiled and then it faltered and her eyes widened and the car swerved as she yanked hard on the wheel. Sam screamed in horror at what she know saw, the car heading straight towards her side, to her mom's side now. "Mom!" her voice raw and hoarse ripped from her throat. _

_A screech of tires, a crunch of metal. Something pressed against Sam's throat and she knocked her head on the dashboard. Blackness consuming her vision, her brain. _

_And as she fell into the blackness, the nothingness, her mothers scream rang in her ears._

* * *

_When Sam woke it was to white. White everything, white walls, white ceiling, white sheets and that antiseptic smell that told her she was in a hospital. _

_She hated hospitals._

_But there was something pressing at her, why was she at a hospital? Shouldn't her mom be sitting at the head of the bed? Smoothing her hair back, talking to her, telling her everything was a bad dream and she would wake up, get out of bed and head towards the kitchen where blueberry pancakes would be waiting with a hug, a kiss and 'I love you.' _

_She closed her eyes._

_Opening them again she found the white ceiling glaring down at her. Far different from the one she and her mom had spent one whole weekend painting midnight blue and arranging glow in the dark stars into zodiac constellations when she was twelve. _

_They'd gotten a lot of paint on themselves but when they were done, they'd lain on the floor and pretended it was the real night sky. The one you couldn't properly see in San Francisco but it was still nice to imagine what it would look like. _

_Movement out of the corner of her eye captured her attention and she focused her gaze to the one lone window in the room. A figure stood by it. Blonde hair in disarray, a black sweatshirt wrinkled showing that the person had obviously slept in it and an old pair of faded jeans as if the person couldn't be bothered. Since when had Aunt Sue never bothered to look anything but immaculate?_

_Sam's lips pursed in thought and she opened her mouth to attract attention to herself, to ask where her mom was and what she was doing here. _

_Nothing came. _

_She tried to wrap her mouth around the words but no noise would emerge from her throat. She blinked. Okay, maybe she'd been out for a few days and she was just a little rusty? Yeah, that's what it was. _

_She licked her lips, swallowed dryly, opened her mouth and tried again. _

_Nothing. _

_Tears of frustration welled up in her eyes and she reached for the glass of water perched by her head on the table just by it. Clumsy and awkward her fingers closed about the glass and it fell over, shattered. _

_Sam stared at the tiny pieces of glass on the floor. _

"_Sam," Sue's voice broke into her surprise and shock. Hand's on her shoulders pushing her back to the bed, "are you okay honey? Oh lie back down, please."_

_Sam lay down but her eyes stayed fixed on her aunts face. Dark circles like ink on parchment, stood out beneath her aunt's eyes that were crimson and raw and rimmed as if she'd been crying for a long time and she was so pale. _

_No lipstick adorned her lips and no mascara was on her lashes. _

_Sue took one look at Sam's face and burst out crying. _

"_Oh - my - god," her aunt stuttered, she gasped dabbing her sleeve at her eyes. She never did that, Aunt Sue always had a handkerchief handy or at least a tissue, what had happened?_

"_Oh Sam, oh baby," the grasp on her was tight as her aunt hugged her. And Sam let her because something was wrong, horribly wrong, where was her mom?_

_Still the shards of glass glittered on the floor like thousands of tiny teardrops. Jagged and cold._

* * *

_Shock was the first thing to register in her brain and then her face screwed up and the tears came and she couldn't breath because everything was to tight, to restricted, to painful. _

_The world was too bright, the sounds too loud, the walls of the stupid room too white. She was really starting to hate that stupid dumb shade, color, whatever the fuck it was she hardly cared. _

_Nothing mattered, her mom was dead and she couldn't scream or yell because her voice still wouldn't work. And she wanted to howl her misery to the world and let them know how hurt she was because her mom was _dead.

_Emotions raged inside her, they built up and built up until everywhere became too small because she couldn't express her anger, couldn't give it a voice because she had none to give._

_And still the doctors wondered why she couldn't talk._

* * *

_Was she born mute? The doctors ask Aunt Sue._

_**No.**_

_Has she spoken since she woke up? _

_**No.**_

_We don't know what's wrong. We'll run more tests._

_

* * *

_

_Her mothers face was pale. Sam's fingers itched to reach out and touch the petal smooth skin, to brush the ugly green and yellow bruising on the right side of her face. Her eyes moved on over each part of her mothers face that she remembered. She committed it all to memory. _

_But in the end the wound in the side of her head, marring the skin and ugly looking made her avert her eyes. That's where she'd died, thanks to some shard of glass being lodged there. _

_Everything else from her shoulders down was covered. Sam closed her eyes and looked away then back again. _

_It shouldn't be her mother on that table. It should be the drunk driver who caused it._

* * *

"Miss? Miss?" a voice asked as someone gently shook her shoulder.

Sam's eyes fluttered open to focus on the face of the air hostess before her in confusion.

The hostess straightened, brushing down her blue jacket and looked at the auburn haired girl worriedly. "Miss, the plane's landed now."

Sam stared at the woman for a moment before nodding seriously and standing. She almost went to thank her out of force of habit then pressed her lips together when she remembered she had no voice to give to the thanks. Instead she nodded her head once again, stuck her ipod earbuds in her ears and walked down the aisle made between the chairs.

Stepping into the terminal it was pretty busy, yet quiet since it was early morning. Sue sure had booked it early.

People stared at Sam as she walked past. Wearing black loose hipster jeans with a thick fawn canvas belt and a light blue tank beneath a long sleeved black shirt she looked a bit dark with her dark blue converses and bright auburn hair. Not a scrap of white was on her except for her ipod earbuds, her shoelaces were black as well. She hated the color white and all that it stood for.

Collecting her bag was no trouble and she pulled the duffle up effortlessly despite her bony to thin frame. She ignored the people that stared at her. The ones who tried to glimpse her down turned face and moved towards the bench that her aunt Sue had told her to sit at.

She settled in to wait.

Fingering the hole in the knee of her jeans she tried to block out the memories and the dreams. Still she wanted to scream and howl, irony sure was cruel at times.

Her face tilted down, hair falling forward.

"Samantha?"

Sam looked up to see a tall grey haired lady with no nonsense brown eyes. She wore crisp blue jeans and a light pink blouse over her tall wiry frame.

The man beside her wore a blue flannelette shirt and dark blue jeans with boots and a cowboy hat. He was lean and tall and there was no mistaking the eyes, the brown eyes, with dark brown hair.

This was her dad and her Gram.

* * *

. 

**Thanks for the reviews**


	3. Arc I: Fractured Heart, Broken Smile

* * *

_You taught my heart  
A sense I never knew I had  
I can't forget  
The times that I was lost and depressed from the awful truth  
How do you do it?  
You're my heroine_

_-My heroine, Silverstein_

* * *

**.  
Arc I: Fractured Heart, Broken Smile**

"Oh my god… she looks just like her." Gram's voice came and then she was enveloped in a soft hug. One that smelled of lavender and flour and honeysuckle. It wasn't right like mom's, but it still felt nice. Sam didn't wrap her arms around her Gram in return.

"Hello Sam," she smiled, "how was the trip?"

Sam shut her eyes and signed that it was ok.

"Oh," she didn't have to see her Gram's face fall in disappointment and pity behind dark lids.

In that there was some escape.

Another hug wrapped about her. warm and strong it smelt of sage and a crispness that was the Autumn weather. Still she didn't return it, she just accepted it.

"Come on Sam," her dad's voice was gravelly, not often used. "There're people who want to meet you and schools tomorrow."

For a moment Sam sighed and he released her. reaching down he picked up her duffle bag and looked to her. Gram was standing there biting her lip, not sure what to say. Obviously she had a lot of questions, questions that she couldn't understand the signing to. Inwardly she scowled in frustration. But outwardly she stood, bowing her head forward and crossed her arms.

Dad's arm was solid and warm over her shoulders and she dropped her head lower. She was going to meet the family.

She felt sick to her stomach.

It was obvious Gram and dad didn't know how to sign, aunt Sue had only gotten a rudimentary grip on signing. Enough to understand when Sam wanted something or the typical answer to a 'how are you?' question which was always, 'fine'. No more, no less.

But aside from that, that was it. most things had to be scribbled down on paper and slapped to the fridge with a magnet. She hated not having some way to express herself to people. She wanted her voice. But the damage to her vocal cords was so severe they were a mutilated mess according to the doctors.

She pressed her lips together as they led her out to a dark blue pick up and bowed her head as she got in the back of the dual cab, the top of her head brushing the door frame. She could stretch her legs out sideways to give them more room she noted. She took the duffle bag offered to her and buckled herself in as she placed the bag beside her.

The others got in the car and they were off for the long road to the ranch.

In her mind she scoffed at the sound of it and outwardly she leaned her head against the glass of the window and let their talk die down to a murmuring buzz.

* * *

.  
The sky was pure blue, stretching like a dome over their heads, a few watery grey clouds hovered over the horizon and mountains reached towards the dome, rearing out of the flat fawn tablecloth that was the dessert.

Her eyes roamed over the sage and the rock and sand, taking it in. it was so…_ dry_. Her lips pressed in a flat line and her eyes still traced over the sand. She didn't want to go back to sleep. She didn't want them to see her have a bad dream and see her open her mouth in a scream that never came. So she faced her boredom by looking alternatively to the sky, to the dessert and then to the book resting in her hands.

Soon enough though, her attention returned to the world outside her window. And this time movement caught her eye.

Inky black and mahogany brown, deep burnished copper and buttercup yellow they moved across the dessert a fiercely galloping herd. She didn't even register the car slowing and pulling over.

They had to be about half a mile away but her gaze was caught and held. Then something glinted in the sun, rotor blades of a helicopter. They swooped low cutting off the horses, awkward and bulky compared to the sleek gracefulness that was the horses galloping below it.

They lacked order, they lacked a leader. But then surging out of the ranks came a fine boned black stallion and the herd wheeled under his direction and the herd once again powered towards the hills. Quick, fast, to fast for the awkward helicopter and they disappeared as if they never were.

"Mustangs Sam," her Gram's soft voice floated to her ears. "Sometimes they are willing to grace us with their presence."

Sam looked at her Gram's dark eyes and nodded before looking back out the window.

The car started again and then they were back on the road.

* * *

.  
It was only twenty five minutes later and they were going over a bridge. The river bank was dotted with old willow trees, an old tire swing hanging from the thickest, sturdiest branch of one of the trees. A large sturdy barn came into view first, with a pen off to the side, high fenced with chicken wire along the bottom. There was another small round yard off the side of the barn as well and then a large one with a seven foot high fence a few feet away from the barn. A rail on three sturdy poles closed the gap between them. there were two long and low log houses and behind them a large ten acre paddock. And then right to the back but obviously the main house on the ranch was a large two story ranch house with a wrap around porch. Wood was stacked in a lean-to on the left side of it and there was a chicken coop with a large vegetable garden to the right.

A border collie dog and an odd looking mutt bounded towards the Ute as the door to the house opened.

The Ute was parked next to a yellow Buick but with enough room between them for another car. On the other side of the Buick was a pickup the color of old faded jeans.

Sam shut her eyes for a moment to collect herself and then straightened and got out of the car. Four new people stood there and three more were coming over. Sam let her gaze run over each.

The first, the youngest, was a girl. Her hair was auburn and braided back from her face, held back by pale blue ribbons. She had on jean shorts and a red tank top. Her skin was tanned and her blue eyes were bright with their spiky dark lashes. Her upturned nose sprinkled with freckles.

Sam looked to the next person, he was the middle child obviously. His dark auburn hair was straight and brushed past the tips of his ears. His eyes were cinnamon brown, he too had long dark lashes that framed his eyes. he wore jean cutoffs and sneakers and a grey t-shirt with the sleeves rolled up.

The third, the oldest child looked back at Sam with _cinnamon_ brown eyes and auburn hair. He was tall and lean and perhaps three or two years younger then Sam's seventeen. She had to look away for a moment. The first child of the woman that Sam's dad had left her mother for.

Louise had seen the way the two shared glances, seen the instant attraction and her kind heart had taken pity. Bruised and broken she'd given dad a way out of the marriage, handing him the divorce papers with the condition that she got to keep Sam. Sam's dad would have kept up the happy family, the loving of Sam and her mother but it wouldn't be the way like it was before and Sam knew it.

She scowled and looked to the ground. She couldn't look at them any more. Couldn't see the children he'd so happily consummated while her mother was in san Francisco carrying on with her fractured heart and broken smile. Her mother hadn't deserved any of this.

"Sam…" her dad's voice trailed off. "I'd like you to meet Cody, Jaxom and Reena, your siblings."

Her converse heel ground into the dirt in her frustration and she tucked her cheek in a reminiscent action to stop herself from snapping angrily even though she had no voice to give it.

But she did what her mom would've wanted her to do and signed to them, 'hello.'

"What's the matter with her? Can't she talk?" the youngest piped up in an innocently naïve voice.

Sam's scowl deepened and she shoved her suddenly clenched fists in her pockets.

"No honey," Gram's voice was gentle, halting, her hand squeezing Sam's tensed shoulder as if trying to hold onto her. trying to stop her from going deeper into herself. "Sam's vocal cords got damaged in the –"

She cut herself off abruptly when Sam pulled away this time crossing her arms defensively over her stomach as she glared at the chipped paint of the car.

"Oh," the youngest said softly. Sam didn't look up, she didn't want their pity. Her throat burned with tears that she refused to let fall and when her dads arm settled over her shoulder she flinched minutely.

The arm remained.

"Come on Sam, I'll take you to your room."

* * *

**Thanks to the reviews, hopefully this answers your questions. **


	4. Arc I: Coffee and Toast

* * *

_You open your eyes  
But you can't remember what for  
The snow falls quietly  
You just can't feel it no more  
Somewhere out there  
You lost yourself in your pain  
You dream of the end  
To start all over again_

_- Don't Jump, Tokio Hotel_

* * *

.  
**Arc I: Coffee and Toast**

Sam woke up in a different place and closed her eyes to give her a black blanket of security to remember exactly where she was. Then her brain clicked into gear and she found herself wishing she hadn't woken at all, she opened her eyes again. The red numbers of the alarm clock stared back at her telling her it was a quarter to six and time for her to get up.

Her eyes moved away from the clock and instead looked out into the space of her new room, lit by the pre dawn gloom. She lay on the large double bed pushed up against the left hand corner by the window as you entered the room. A bookshelf was over her head and the window by her bed was large and covered at the moment by dark blue curtains that let a slit of watery light in. Opposite the bed was the door and beside that was a large bookshelf holding various books and horse figurines that she'd sat and stared at for many long hours the day before. A desk was in the right hand far corner with her laptop set up on top of it. a cd player sat on the ground beside it, tall tower speakers set up. Another door in the wall led to her wardrobe.

The walls were a pale light yellow with blue trimmings. Yellow was a happy color. Sam didn't feel happy.

She threw the black covers of her bed back and got up. She'd showered early the night before and then locked the door, buried herself beneath her covers and ignored the knocks on her door telling her that it was dinner. They'd relented eventually, realizing she wasn't ready yet.

Sam didn't think she'd be ready for a long time.

She'd yet to see the woman that had replaced her mother in her father's life and felt her chest tighten painfully each time she thought of her. Now her stomach rolled with it.

She got up, throwing the covers haphazardly back on the bed. It was an effort to make the feeling go away Sam moved to her wardrobe and selected a pair of holey light blue wash faded in patches jeans that were snug on her hips but loose about her feet and shucking off her black sweatpants, she pulled them on. A thick black canvas belt held them up and she searched through her clothes for a shirt to wear for the day.

She pulled out a red cami and pulled it on before taking out a loose black hooded jacket and pulling it on over the top.

Slamming on a pair of red converse with black and red candy striped laces she moved out of the room and down the hallway to the bathroom she now shared with her three siblings. As she went her ears picked up sounds of movement in their rooms telling her that they were up.

The redhead shut and locked the bathroom door behind her and turned to the mirror. Her reflection stared back at her, to wide brown cinnamon eyes, eyes that she shared with her dad, with Cody and Jaxom as well now, starring out of her pale face dusted with freckles that spread over her nose and cheekbones.

She looked away, reaching down to take out the bag she'd left in here the night before. Sam went through the motions of cleansing her face. Washing it right off and patting it dry and then moisturized it, one of her morning habits that was as normal to her as brushing her teeth, which she did next.

Then came her makeup of the day. White powder was first on her eyelids she spread it to make it even. Then she took up her black eyeliner pencil and starting midway on the lower rim of her eye, she moved it outwards. On the top rim, as close as possible to the lashes she went from the corner of her eye getting it thicker towards the outside. She dusted silver glitter over her lids a deep red, brushing the edge of the brush underneath the lower lid to make it brighter and then put black in the corner, making it dark. Once she'd done her mascara she took a tube of balm and applied it to her lips. The look was subtle enough that you wouldn't notice if you really looked.

The door knob rattled just as she put the bag back in its draw and she decided to take her brush and continue her ritual in her room.

Reena stood outside the door, rubbing at her eyes and blinking them tiredly. She was dressed in light washed jeans and a dark blue v-neck top with sneakers and her red hair was everywhere. Bed head was apparently hereditary.

"Sam?" she croaked tiredly.

Sam tilted her head to the side in a gesture to show her that she was listening. "could you brush my hair please?"

She couldn't find it in her to deny the teen such a simple act and steered her bleary eyed younger sister into the bathroom. Reena washed her face quickly and brushed her teeth while Sam brushed every tangle out of her hair. All the time, the younger girl's blue eyes were fixed on her face.

"your makeup's very pretty," the younger murmured. "maybe you could teach me?"

It was hopeful. Reena wanted to connect with her older sister. She'd always wanted to know Sam ever since she'd been old enough to know about her, but she'd never come to the ranch. Dad and Gram always talked to her on the phone. And now she had her older sister, right there with her. Someone else to help her against the boys.

Sam smiled softly, her eyes sad, but nodded to her and Reena couldn't help the grin that started on her face. "Today or tomorrow?"

Sam frowned, pursing her lips together in wonder of how to answer the question. She put up two fingers.

"Tomorrow?" Reena guessed.

The older girl nodded.

"Okay!" the thirteen year old grinned and headed out of the bathroom while Sam rubbed at her head in confusion.

Cody appeared in the doorway. He was frowning and looking tired. Sam straightened, picking up her brush.

"Are you going to be any longer in here?" he asked grumpily.

The girl shook her head and stepped past him out of the door. He was taller than her five six frame by two inches she noted. And he looked as if he was going to get even taller.

"Wait."

She stopped and turned to look at him.

He sighed, fingers clenching about the doorframe. "You hate me don't you?" he questioned, he looked at her out of the corner of his eye.

Did she hate him? Sam frowned. No she didn't hate him. She hated the circumstances that hurt her mom. He was an innocent in this and she pressed her lips together and shook her head at him recognizing he needed an answer.

"Why?" his voice was slightly hoarse. "Why don't you hate me?"

She looked at him helplessly, looked at her hands, touched her throat and shook her head. '_I don't know.'_

He frowned, straightening to look her in the eyes, "I don't know either," he sighed. "We all… we all want to get to know you." His lips pressed in a firm line, "and we're going to learn sign, all of us."

Sam shut her eyes, and nodded once, tapping her wrist to remind him of the time and then turned to her room.

She still didn't want to deal with any of this.

It took her a minute to brush out her hair, and in the end she left the elbow length mass out. Taking the black canvas messenger bag from where it was slumped against her wall, she slung it over her shoulder and moved down the hallway. Jaxom came yawning fully dressed out of his room dressed in dark blue jeans and bright blue t-shirt with the words, '_for the five seconds it took you to read this shirt, I had control over your brain_' scrawled across it. He was an inch taller than Sam she noted as he smiled at her sleepily.

"Morning."

She raised her hand in reply, tapped her wrist as a reminder and moved down the stairs.

The smell of coffee reached her nose as Sam descended. The ranch dog, Blaze, watched her as she entered the kitchen with one brown eye, before the lid of it drew down, disregarding her. Her lips flickered a little at that as she awkwardly stood there. She was unsure of whether to sit or stand and exactly how much time they had.

Gram was moving everywhere about the kitchen, taking toast out of the toast, pouring out three tall glasses of juice, taking butter out of the fridge, moving to the pantry. In the midst of it all she sat a mug on the table heaped with cream and froth and ordered, "sit, drink."

Sam sat before the mug, carefully wrapping her hands about it to drink the coffee slowly. "Did you get enough sleep? Did you get all your books? Was the room ok?"

The red head nodded 'yes' in answer to all the questions. It was easier that way.

"Good," Gram nodded and tapped the paper bag in front of her, "there's your lunch. I didn't know exactly what your favorites were, but I'm sure you can… er… write it down for me."

She started moving again setting out the toast on the table followed by plates, butter and jam and as if on cue, the other teens of the house trooped down the stairs and took their seats and started eating.

Sam just sipped at her coffee.

"Anyway," Gram started again setting brown paper bags in front of the others. "Your dad's left the keys to the Ute for you Sam. You saw the school when we pointed it out to you yesterday." Sam nodded in answer.

"You mean... no more bus?" Reena asked curiously.

"No more bus," Gram affirmed.

"Yes!" Jaxom grinned, "We don't have to wait a year for Cody to get his license."

Sam watched them interact so comfortably about one another in the confines of the kitchen. She used to have that.

Her lips pressed together and she looked down at her half empty mug.

"Lands Samantha! Haven't you had anything aside from coffee?" Gram demanded.

Sam looked up and shrugged.

Gram's look was shrewd, "aren't you hungry? You didn't have dinner last night."

The red head shook her head but found a piece of toast being shoved into her hand. "Just eat this for me."

Sam looked at it, looked at her Gram and then looked at the toast again. The look on Gram's face said she wouldn't take no for an answer. Her stomach said that it didn't have any room.

She sighed, setting the mug down and tore a corner of the toast, popping it into her mouth. Gram's look won out. Chewing slowly she felt like she was under severe scrutiny as the toast stuck to her dry mouth like glue. She forced the scratchy lump down her throat and started the whole process again. Chew and swallow. The coffee had been enough for her stomach but now it felt like it was stretching uncomfortably and it hurt.

She had to put down the last forth of her toast and shake her head in the end. Gram looked worried but satisfied as she nodded and sat the keys on the table before her.

"You better head off or you'll be late. Your transfer papers should've been in your things and if there's a problem call- have someone call me."

She just caught the slip up.

Sam noticed anyway, but let it slide, too tired to bother. Standing she pulled on her bag, the others following her out the door.

It was going to be a long day.

* * *


	5. Arc I: Saccharine Smile

* * *

_I feel like I'm spinning out of control  
Try to focus but everything's twisted  
And all along I thought you would be there  
(Thought you would be there)  
To let me know I'm not alone  
But in fact that's exactly what I was_

_- Out Of Control, Hoobastank_

* * *

**.  
Arc I: Saccharine Smile**

Darton High school was a medium sized school, Sam decided as she pulled in, giving the building a curious once over.

It wasn't very big, but it wasn't exactly small. And there was a lot of people.

Students milled everywhere, talking, joking, laughing and generally mucking around. Some trooped straight from the buses into the buildings while some hung around waiting for friends or catching up on the news. Cody, Reena and Jaxom all clambered out of the car as soon as she pulled up. They shifted awkwardly as she too, got out. They were obviously unsure on whether they should stay with her or go with their friends who were calling them over and away. Eyes flickering curiously to Sam and then back to the others, respectively.

Sam motioned for them to leave, she was sure she could manage and made sure they had all locked their doors before slinging on her bag and moving towards the school. Cody fell into step beside her, ignoring his friends waving him over.

"I'll take you to the office," he said by way of explanation, waving to his friends as they passed and leading her into the building.

Sam sighed out of the corner of her mouth. He definitely was a Forster, stubborn to a fault.

"This way," he jerked his head and Sam nodded in return following him down the turn of corridor. Both of them silent and off in their own worlds.

"Cody!" a voice called out through the hallway, over head of other students.

Sam's eyes flickered to the group of popular looking girls, sophomores or freshmen. They smiled brilliantly at him, "hi," Cody gave them a smile and they beamed in return. But the guy didn't stop and chat instead he kept Sam moving with a hand on the small of her back. Other various students called out to him in greeting, making sure they got a greeting in return before going back to chatting with their friends again. Her younger brother was obviously quite popular, especially to over half of the female student body Sam noted. It was quite amusing to her.

Students stared at them as they passed one's not trying to even gain Cody's attention. They stared instead at Sam walking beside him. Dressed in her dark clothes and with her head bowed, ignoring them desperately as whispers trailed after them about the similarities of hair color, eye color and facial structure. Sam closed her eyes, steeling herself as they neared the door labeled; _office_.

* * *

.  
The principal was actually pretty okay as far as authority figures went. She'd rattled off the usual list of rules. No smoking, no drinking, no drugs, tardies and detention were the normal protocol, don't litter, and respect your teachers. All of this was given precisely and in short measured words, then she'd told Sam the first class she'd be in was homeroom and then the redhead found herself in the corridor by herself.

She looked at the three sheets of paper she had been given by the chattering secretary before she'd fled the office. That secretary could talk a person's ear off if given the chance, the redhead had decided.

She returned her attention to the papers in her hands, the first of them was a map. The second was the one with the list of her classes and her locker's number whose combination was written on the inside of her wrist and then there was a note explaining to her teachers throughout the day, her transfer to the school.

She was already lost.

Her lips twisted in her annoyance and she started down the right hand corridor. Hopefully this was the right direction. Folding the map up and slipping it into her back pocket she scanned her list for her room number to homeroom. Then she looked to the door numbers, passing classrooms full of interested faces as they stared at her walking past. She averted her eyes and pretended she didn't see them in return.

Room 402 wasn't that hard to find. And she was glad for the fluke of luck she'd had in going that direction, it was all good luck rather than good management. And at the same time she cursed the good luck, it would've been better if she'd gotten lost, it'd be less of standing in front of unknown people. But there wasn't anything she could do about it right now.

Knocking on the door, she opened it carefully to find out that it was a history room. posters exclaiming the values of history were all over the walls, with pictures of the great pyramids, Adolf Hitler, the picts, medieval times and Babylon were a few that she picked up from her single sweeping glance of the room. Students stared at her like she was an exhibition at a zoo and the teacher; a short blonde lady with blue eyes and petite stature looked to her in surprise. This had to be Mrs. Ely, her homeroom teacher.

"Hello… can I help you?"

Sam swallowed and stepped into the room, closing the door softly behind her while holding out the note to the teacher as an explanation. Mrs. Ely took it and for a moment just looked at it.

She smiled then as she looked up. "Well welcome to Darton High Miss Forster. Everyone meet Sam, why don't you tell us something about yourself?"

Sam's fingers twisted her jacket as she looked fleetingly towards the sea of faces, she always hated the spotlight. Even now her gut wrenched. This is what she'd been afraid of, explaining herself to people.

"Cat got your tongue?" the teacher asked with a kind half smile meant to put her at ease but mainly made her gut twist even more, a few students chuckled, some tittered. "Its okay, don't be shy here Sam. Just a little about yourself."

Sam moved to the chalkboard, scribbled something and then stepped back.

The teacher's face fell in pity and then sorrow, "oh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean-"

Sam set the chalk back down and shrugged, looking to the ground she could hear a few students murmuring.

"Oh well, of course the-" Sam's body language cut her off. She ground her heel into the floor and crossed her arms defensively.

The blonde pushed hair behind her ears, "well this is a brilliant start," she said sarcastically, obviously trying to lighten the mood. "I'm sorry Sam. Why don't you take a seat and we'll continue where we left off?"

The red head nodded uncomfortably and moved away from the board, the words on it white and glaring:

_I'm mute._

She took a set in the very back corner by the window and dumped her bag on the ground. The other students stole glances at her whilst the teacher talked and she could even hear a few murmurs running through the class. Probably already starting up rumors about her.

She sat on her hands and stared at the black board, wishing she was anywhere else.

* * *

.  
Journalism was her next class, and she had it with Reena. An ever bouncy ever happy presence that smiled when she saw Sam and patted the swivel seat beside her invitingly. On the other side was a brown haired girl who was stick skinny and pretty, she smiled brightly at Sam who quirked her lips but didn't smile.

Seated beside Reena, Sam watched people parade in through the door. The final lot was a group of cheerleaders all in the schools gold and green pleated cheerleading mini skirts with black long sleeved tops beneath their cheerleading cropped tops.

At their head was a brunette girl with coffee colored eyes and blonde haired blue eyed girl. These two were obviously their leaders, and she recognized them from her homeroom class. They were two of the people who'd tittered at her.

They sat at two computers, obviously their claimed spot and they sat like they owned the place and their clique settled in around them.

When the teacher entered, he was precise and quick to the point and as soon as he'd finished the roll he pulled out a manila folder and sat down, "Samantha Forster, front and center."

Sam stood and made her way over to him.

"I hear you're a good photographer," he boomed at her. She nodded and he frowned, "well, speak up girl." He tapped the manila folder before him, "I got copies sent to me by your old school and they're good, own up to them."

Sam's fingers twisted through her jacket once again and someone cleared their throat behind Sam. Both she and the teacher looked around to the brunette cheerleader who sat slightly forwards in her chair, offering her best good girl smile. Sam wondered if only she realized that it was fake. "Sir I couldn't help but hear," _I'm so sure,_ Sam resisted the urge to roll her eyes as the girl gave her saccharine smile. "But Samantha, poor thing, is mute. Can't say a word due to something…"

Sam's face burned and she placed her balled fists in her jacket pockets, swallowing hard. Her shoulders felt tense as the entire class stilled she felt like screaming. _So I have a fucking disability! Get over it and stop staring you morons! _She hated it yes, but she was sick of the looks she was recieving for it.

"It happened in an accident," Reena piped up. "That's why she's here." Then she caught sight of Sam's face and realized she shouldn't have said anything, "oh… oops."

Sam offered a 'no big deal' shrug, even though that's exactly what it was and turned her head away. Not before she'd sent he brunette's obvious delight at having her curiosity sated. "Oh an accident, really? Where? When? Was anyone else hurt?"

Sam blanched; the room full of eager face was to much, the looks of pity pushing at her uncomfortably. They all wanted to know, she was this town's new perfect gossip and Rachel had added fuel to the fire and Sam wasn't quite sure it was unintentional but the room felt like it was pushing at her, squeezing her lungs, and that's when it felt to small and she decided she couldn't handle it. She ran out of the classroom. The door slammed behind her but she could hardly care as her eyes filled with tears.

She wasn't going to let anyone see her cry.

* * *

.  
"You okay?" a voice asked her as she lay on her back on the football bleachers, staring up at the sky.

_Yeah, i'm just dandy, _Sam thought sarcastically before she looked towards the person standing over her and arched a brow

He was tall, probably just over six feet tall and he was tanned. His bronze skin stretched over high cheekbones and he had dark brown eyes shadowed by black bangs that fell out of his short stubby ponytail. He had broad shoulders and narrow hips, wearing a black t-shirt and dark jeans with sneakers, a silver hoop glinted in his left ear and a spiked bar was in his right eyebrow arch.

She sat up as he sat down, "I know. Nodding's an option."

Her lips twisted at him and he grimaced. He seemed the type not to talk too much. Sam picked up that in a heart beat and so she tilted her head and waited for him to find his words.

"Rachel's a bitch, mom didn't know. No one knows bout you but your siblings," he muttered. "And me, I was there yesterday."

The other person that had come out of the house, it clicked in her brain and she nodded. It also clicked that her history teacher was his mom, she seemed nice enough, Sam didn't hold a grudge against her for slipping up on something so simple. Rachel however, was someone she could definitely learn to dislike.

"Sign, I know a deaf mute," he muttered obviously uncomfortable with talking.

_Where're my brothers and sister? Reena probably has my bag._

He signed back,_ canteen and she does._

She stood and he did too.

_So how much signing do you know?_ She asked as they walked down the bleachers, the metal handrail between them.

_Enough_.

She nodded and set off to school as soon as they hit the ground. Quiet in sign as he was in talking.

They walked in silence, with only their footsteps, both lost in their own thoughts.

When they arrived at the canteen, the boy signed one last thing to her, _Jake_. She nodded, _thanks_ she replied and headed over to where her sister was sitting with her friends.

* * *

.  
**These chapters are so short, it feels alien.**

REVIW REPLIES**--**

**wildfirexpassion: **Thanks. Umm the main point of the story isn't romance... sorry. Its going to be in here but its not the be all, end all of the story. Thanks again.

**vickyykciv **cool. Thanks for the compliment. Hopefully ur question was answered, I'm trying to update everyday since this story is _alot_ shorter to Tenderfoot. Thanks for the review.

**Shieldmaiden wot:** Thanks. Jen will most likely be two more chapters but don't hold me to that. And Sam hasn't been on the ranch since age one. Since the divorce.

**Kittygurl00-HorseMystique:** Thanks i'm glad to have kept some of my old readers, )

**EternalGlory:** Thanks those are big compliments.


	6. Arc I: Mini Major

* * *

_They're gonna clean up your looks,  
with all the lies in the books  
to make a citizen out of you.  
Because they sleep with a gun,  
and keep an eye on you, son  
so they can watch all the things you do._

_-Teenagers, My Chemical Romance_

* * *

.  
**Arc I: Mini Major**

Sam saw Rachel again before her last period which was a free, the brunette gave the same saccharine sweet smile to her and then knocked shoulders with her when she passed, "freak," she hissed.

Her blonde friend, with Daisy written across the back of her cheerleading top sneered at her, scanning her top to toe, "loser," and she too passed on by. Sam just arched her brow, was that all they could come up with?

* * *

.  
Sam sat in the library for her free, waiting for her siblings to finish class. People murmured quietly about her, a study hall in session and she could hear them even from where she'd found herself a dark secluded corner and pulled her legs up to her chest. 

It was a definite, the cheerleaders of this school hated her. She could hardly find it in herself to care really. She was holding a bit of a grudge against them too.

She'd ended up spending the remainder of her lunch in the library holed up in this little corner of hers. It was safer. Reena's friends had stared at her as she'd gotten her backpack and the whole cafeteria had stared at her. They'd obviously heard of her running out of Mr. Blair's classroom.

Being in the spotlight in the cafeteria was scarier to Sam than standing in front of a class.

And then she'd seen the flyer stating that signing classes would be offered in free periods for seniors, and in lunch times to whomever else wanted it.

It was a good thing, but it was really crushing at her pride. Her shoulders were tense as she passed people who stared at her. she hated this, it was like she was some kind of freak show to them or something. She probably was.

"Sam! Sam!" Reena called as she came out of the school. "Look," she grinned and her hands moved _how was your day?_

Sam smiled, a slight twitching of lips, _mine was okay._

Reena frowned, "now I know you're lying, I heard what Rachel and Daisy said to you. And then in journalism-"

"Forster!" a voice cut Reena off and both the redheads turned to look back to the school.

Mr. Blair was striding towards them, "Forster senior."

Realizing that was her, Sam moved forward and he stood in front of her, arms crossed. "You've got a camera?" She nodded.

He frowned a little, "okay, I get it, you're mute. Let the pictures do the talking for you. I'm giving you permission for class tomorrow to take pictures during class. The soccer team has practice during class tomorrow. Take pictures, print them and we'll look over them."

Sam nodded and Mr. Blair strode off, back into the school just as Cody and Jaxom exited.

"Mini, major," Jaxom grinned.

"I'm not mini!" Reena whined.

Sam's lips twitched and she jerked her thumb towards the car.

"Jaxom and I have practice tomorrow, so you only have to wait around for Reena. Mom will pick us up on her way home from work," Cody said as he slipped into the passenger side seat. Sam nodded in understanding and started the car.

* * *

.  
Sam somehow avoided seeing her step mom again and remembered to pack her camera into her bag that morning. Gram had made her eat another piece of toast, questioned her on whether she had liked the lunch from the day before and Sam felt only a little guilty when she'd nodded yes but in reality she'd thrown it out as soon as she'd retrieved her bag from Reena. She was never really hungry anymore. Eating made her feel sick and so she didn't eat. 

But she'd stuffed the brown paper bag into her messenger bag and decided what Gram didn't know, didn't hurt her.

She'd done Reena's makeup too. It was a lot lighter than her own and actually looked really good on her. But Sam had wanted to wash it off right after she'd done it because Reena looked so much like her when she was younger. She didn't want Reena to ever have to go through what she did. The very thought of it made her heart wrench in her chest.

Reena however, loved it. She thought the makeup was pretty cool and had decided that when they next went to Crane Crossing, Sam found out this was the mall, she wanted to get eyeliner and mascara so that she could learn how to properly apply makeup. Gram had smiled when she saw it and Cody and Jaxom had teased Reena about looking a bit like a girl.

Sam's lips had twitched slightly, but aside from that she hadn't smiled.

She pretended not to see their disappointed looks.

Being right on time for homeroom meant she didn't have to suffer through the stares anymore than she wanted and in photography she went straight to the football field where the soccer team had practice.

The coach arched a brow when he saw her. Taking in her dark blue tartan pleated mid thigh skirt, blue tank and black hoody with dark blue converses and red hair in one sweeping glance. "Forster," he nodded. "Mr. Blair said you'd be coming down." He smiled a little, "take good pictures girl, we want to be in the next paper."

She gave him a wry thumbs up and set to work.

She got some good shots and she got some amusing ones when the guys got it into their heads to show off. A couple were quite good players, the brunette goalie and a black haired forward, a black haired boy, one of the tallest on the team and a black haired guy that she recognized as Jake.

They didn't mind her taking pictures and for the most part ignored her while those going for glory made sure the camera was aimed their way.

It was amusing to her when they screwed up.

"So…" a voice piped up as Sam was changing lenses to her camera, a dark haired good looking guy with brawny shoulders and muscles leaned towards her on the bench. "You single?"

Sam's lips pressed together in a flat line and she arched a brow making sure the other lenses were snapped into their protective places before looking up at him. He was good looking, but she knew looks only went so far and this guy had an air about him that told her he was more than just confident about females.

"Coleman, not every girl is willing to be hit on by you, besides, you have my sister" a cold voice spoke up in a clipped English accent. Sam looked about to see the coffee haired goalie making his way over. His eyes were the color of mocha and his nose was dusted with freckles.

"I was actually asking for someone else," Coleman glared at the other guy as he jerked his thumb in some vague direction.

The other guy shrugged, "whatever you reckon," and then he turned to Sam, flashing her a blinding white toothed grin and holding out a hand.

"I'm Ryan Slocum, pleased to meet you Samantha," Sam took the hand hesitantly and shook it. "How do you like our lovely school?"

Sam frowned and he smiled, "I have a friend who signs, they're a deaf mute."

Sam wondered for a moment if it was the same deaf mute that Jake knew. He'd come to stand nearby as well, offering her a brief awkward wave which she returned.

Her lips twisted to the side and her hands flew through the signs, _its ok, a bit small and small town but okay. I haven't been here long enough to say its in my top five_.

Ryan's smile dimmed a little, "ahh… is this about my twin?" Sam's brow furrowed, huh?

"Rachel," Ryan stated with a dry tone, "is my twin. I'm surprised you didn't pick up on the resemblance. There's enough resemblance between you and your siblings to tell you're related."

_Yeah well, I didn't know her last name was Slocum or that she had a brother, I guess I didn't really put it together_.

"Fair enough," he smiled, looking pleased with her answer.

"Okay! Enough talking, get back out there!" the coach ordered and they jogged off and she was left to do what she came to do.

* * *

.  
Sam was back down at the track at lunch time but this time she had black runners on her feet, a pair of sweatpants rolled up to her knees and a black sweatshirt. 

She'd ran back home, her mom, Aunt Sue and she had often gone running in central park. Once she'd gotten out of hospital she'd taken to pounding the pavement at night and in the early morning in an attempt to escape the nightmares.

It was also a fitness thing for her which she was a bit paranoid about.

Stretching a little she bounced on her toes and started her slow lap. With her ipod's earbuds in she didn't have to worry about how many laps she was doing, her footsteps or anything stupid like that. She could just run and be happy with it.

It was relaxing, she realized soon enough though she had to stop. She entered the last turn and picked up the pace starting to sprint down the homestretch. Her lungs burnt, her heart raced and she kept up the speed until she crossed the white finish line of the one hundred meter sprint.

She then walked in small loops for a minute or two before starting her cool down stretches.

"Forster!" a voice yelled and she looked up to see the coach striding towards her.

She tilted her head to the side in question.

He stopped just short of her and arched a brow, "there's nothing in your transcripts about being in the track team."

She tucked her tongue in her cheek, there wasn't anything because she hadn't been in the track team? He held out a clipboard and she sighed scrawling _that's because I wasn't on the team_.

"And why not! You're perfectly good at it. You just did eight laps and a sprint to finish up. You've obviously been in some form of a team to have that kind of stamina," he frowned at her untidy writing.

She wrote on it again, _no, I wasn't on a team._

"Well then, were did that training come from?" he asked curiously, peering at her waiting for an answer.

Sam tucked her tongue in her cheek again, control_. Running in central park, it helped me think_.

He frowned, "never known a teenager to run outside of school training aside from Jake and he's an exception."

He looked to her again, "I want you on the track team."

She shook her head. _I'm not good enough, sorry_.

* * *

.  
Sam was called over by the math teacher as soon as she entered the classroom for that block. 

She noticed as she neared that a blonde girl with black wire rimmed glasses stood just by the teacher. Her blue eyes assessed Sam as she walked over and her blonde hair was pulled back in little braids and back into a ponytail. She had on dark wash jeans and a black shirt that read_ keep smiling, no one knows what your thinking_ and white converses with rainbow candy striped laces.

"Sam," the teacher smiled at her, "this is Jen, Jen, Sam. Jen is going to be your new tutor."

Sam tilted her head to the side waiting for an explanation.

"Your good at geometry Sam, but Jen is going to be catching you up, you're a bit behind in this."

Sam looked up to Jen to see what she thought of this. The blonde gave a little half grin and Sam shrugged an okay to show she was okay with it.

"Good," the teacher smiled, his old face kind with grey eyes that smiled behind his half moon glasses. He looked a tad relieved, "If you'll sit beside Jen and we can get started."

Jen motioned for Sam to follow her to a cluster of desks towards the back of the classroom. "Don't worry, you're not that behind, its just he likes everyone to be at passing level and above is all."

_Good luck with that_, Sam thought, she hated maths.

"And besides, how do you feel about a trade?" Jen asked turning to look at her.

Sam arched a red brow, what the? Was the girl offering to do her homework or something in return for not having to tutor her or something?

"I'll teach you something, you teach me something," Jen said as she slipped into her seat.

Sam lowered her brow and tilted her head to show that she was listening. So it was that kind of trade.

"Sign language," Jen elaborated, smiling. "I mean, I'm taking those classes, but I want to know as much as I can as soon as possible."

Both of Sam's brows rose, she thought about it for a moment, it was a fair enough trade, she nodded and Jen beamed.

* * *

.  
Sam's solace in the library was broken by someone sitting beside her. 

She looked up into the brown eyes of Jake Ely. And he was frowning at her as if trying to puzzle something out.

She arched a brow and waited.

"Coach came and saw me today," he still gazed at her funny.

She waited for an elaboration.

He sighed, "Join the team."

_Why._

He frowned at her, "because coach timed your run and you clocked well."

_I don't have time._

"There's lunch," he pointed out.

_I have tutoring sessions_.

"With who?"

_Jen._

"There are still mornings and your free," he frowned.

She scowled. He was backing her into a corner.

"And as for tutoring, I'll work something out with Kenworthy."

She scowled even darker at the annoyed tone in his voice. Jen was actually pretty nice, he didn't have to be mean.

He caught her look and sighed, "We don't get on to well is all."

Her lips twisted as she rolled her eyes.

"Yeah well, bitch at me later. See ya round brat, you're joining the team, welcome."

And all she could do was sit and glare at his back as he walked away. _Dumb jock_, she stuck her tongue out at his back and turned back to her book frowning.

* * *

.  
**REVIEW REPLIES--------->>**

**Aillenia: **I'm glad but I don't know about perfect, lol. I'm glad you like it. )

**TheAcadamyIsFan:** Lol Thankyou.

**EternalGlory:** Thankyou. And i'm glad that you think so too.

**vickyykciv:** I know Tenderfoot is a lot longer and a lot more diverse than this. I originally started this story when I was angry about something so the chapters are a lot shorter because originally I was just going to leave it as a oneshot.


	7. Interlude I

* * *

_The way back to the right track maybe you can help me find the door  
Is it too much to ask, too much too fast, too much to ignore  
It feels like your bodys getting closer but you seem so far away  
Medicine make it ok_

_-Me, You and My Medication, Boys Like Girls_

* * *

**Interlude I**

**1#Lead  
**They'd said she'd follow her lead in mourning, wasn't she good enough as a role model to her own niece?

**2#Memories  
**She was afraid her memories would fade so she pressed them closed in books so they couldn't escape.

**3#Ashes  
**Ashes were better than being buried under the ground, she'd much rather fly on the breeze then be buried in the earth.

**4#Secret  
**Ever since she'd stepped foot on the school grounds she'd been talked about, everyone wanted to know her deep dark secret.

**5#Twisted  
**Her reflection in the mirror is twisted as she cries, she throws a jumper over it so she doesn't have to see.

**6#Mother  
**Every time someone asked about her mother she couldn't help but feel trapped.

**7#Virus  
**Like a virus the pain ate at her, so she ate nothing, that way it couldn't feed.

**8#Teardrops  
**They fell like the rain that wouldn't answer her call that day.

**9#Mourning  
**Black is the new every color.

**10#Truly  
**She _took_ her lunch to school everyday, truly.

**11#Nothing  
**She begged for the day she'd feel nothing, that way she couldn't feel the pain.

**12#Time  
**They say time heals all wounds, this one bled every time you picked at it.

**13#Lost  
**She sometimes forgot where she was in the times she sunk into herself to escape.

**14#Hot  
**She was like a hot coal, but with her you had to keep a good grip on her or she'd burn you with her cold words.

**15#Revealed  
**He itched to reveal the lost little girl behind that impenetrable mask.

**16#Life  
**It was too short to say everything she'd meant to her.

**17#Breeze  
**It sounded lonely with out her laughter and voice.

**18#Soulmate  
**Dad wasn't Mom's soulmate, Sam wished she'd had had a chance to find him.

**19#Psychic  
**If she was psychic, she would have told her mom to take another road. She wished she was.

**20#Listen  
**Sam stopped listening even to herself, the girl inside her screamed to loud in pain.

**21#Nature**  
It was Mom's favorite thing to marvel at in life.

**22#Defying  
**Sam wasn't defying anyone, she just wanted to be left alone.

**23#Talk  
**She missed not having her voice, but sometimes she thought it was best. That way her mother was the last person to hear her talk.

**24#Heaven  
**They were lucky to have her as an angel.

**25#Sorry  
**People say they sorry, she wants to know what they reckon they could have done.

**26#Gravity  
**The whole thing weighed down on her making her shoulders slouch and her eyes grow dark.

**27#Blind  
**People would have to be blind not to notice she has an expressive face. The key was in getting her to use it.

**28#Home  
**To Sam it no longer existed without her mother in it.

**29#She  
**She wasn't just someone else, she was mom and she was everything.

**30#Phantom  
**A kiss would brush her forehead and she'd reach out a second later to find nothing.

**31#Stallion  
**He was the king of the herd but she couldn't help but think he was the wrong color.

**32#Move  
**It had to be good for her because Sue was running out of options to save her.

**33#New  
**Learning sign language was like learning a new trick, the only difference was, she couldn't drop it when she got bored.

**34#Everything  
**Until she was gone, Sam hadn't realized how much of her mother was everything to her.

**35#Things  
**It was hard through to go through them, Sam felt she was intruding on someone else's property even though the will said her mom's things were now hers.

**36#Act  
**She'd gotten tired of acting like everything was okay within the second week. She just got better at hiding it.

**37#Cherish  
**Every moment, every smile, every fight was now locked away in her to cherish forever.

**38#Encore  
**There was no encore to life.

**39#Tenderfoot  
**No one could say suck it up, they'd all feel to bad.

**40#Dream  
**Each was worst from the last because they'd leave her wanting more.

**41#Series  
**It took a lot of tests but eventually they found the problem, they didn't have a cure to either.

**42#First  
**The first photo she sees coming home makes her cry.

**43#Never  
**She'll never get to say I love you and goodbye properly.

**44#Dancing  
**She was always dancing.

**45#Angel  
**Sam hoped heaven knew how lucky they were.

**46#Want  
**She could never want something so desperately now, it overshadowed it everytime.

**47#Lost  
**Her smile had gotten lost, they're afraid they'll never find it.

**48#Living  
**she contemplated it a lot, tracing her fingers over blue.

**49#Midnight  
**The nightmares are worst at midnight, they know she finds no relief to waking in darkness.

**50#Tragic  
**People call it tragic, she never really liked people.

* * *

**.  
And the digital cookie goes to whoever figures out where I got the drabble prompts.**


	8. Arc II: The Difference Between Tolerate

**Yes be surprised, be very surprised. **

**This is a reward for those ever so lovely reviewers, you are all appreciated and dually noted. Thankies!!!**

* * *

And we feel like rain,  
When the words all sound the same,  
In the lifeless corners of this empty frame.  
Though we feel let down,  
by the same old autumn breathing,  
winter's curse is just around the bend.  
- Feel Like Rain, Motion City Soundtrack

* * *

**.  
Arc II: The Difference Between Tolerate and Dislike **

Jennifer – Jen – she'd told Sam to refer to her as that, was waiting for her at school when she pulled into the parking lot. Like normal her siblings piled out of the car and waved as they headed off to meet their friends.

Sam slipped her messenger bag on over her shoulder and shut the car, checking all the doors were locked as Jen started towards her. She turned and started walking towards the blonde to meet her in the middle of the lot.

"Hey!" the blonde smiled brightly. Her hair was pulled back into a high ponytail with a bright blue ribbon, she wore a blue cookie monster t-shirt with grey skinny jeans and neon blue hightops.

Sam quirked her lips in a tiny smile of acknowledgement, then it was gone and her face was as closed as normal. She'd gone for slightly warmer clothes with the winter starting up now, loose hip hugger pants that dragged slightly on the ground with purple cons and a dark violet stretchy hoody. Her auburn hair was loose and out and had a purple bow clip holding back some of her bangs.

"Anyway… Ely came and talked to me and we've… discussed things," her mouth turned down in a frown of discontent. "Arrogant asshole," she grunted and then smiled at the redhead, motioning for her to walk alongside her. Sam did. They pushed through the large double doors into the crowded hallway.

"So we've bargained, every Monday, and Wednesday I'll tutor you… and if its alright every Saturday as well? At yours or mine, whichever works," the blonde pushed her glasses up the bridge of her nose.

Sam shrugged to show it didn't bother her.

"And they've got you for training every Tuesday, Thursday and Friday… apparently on Monday's, Wednesday's and Saturday's your supposed to train on your own but Ely will explain that. And you've got Sunday's to yourself."

Sam quirked a red brow as she halted by her locker and Jen smiled and shook her head at the look. "I know, but what can I say? He's absolutely Hitler when it comes to this kinda shit."

Sam shook her head and spun the dial to her locker.

Jen was still standing there looking torn about something and she inclined her head in question. The blonde's blue eyes blinked for a moment before a smile spread across her face, "would you ah… like to sit with me at lunch sometime soon?"

Sam's hand froze as she reached for her book and she looked nervously towards the blonde. Her face was hopeful, and made Sam inwardly cringe.

Gnawing at her lip nervously, she carefully nodded a little. Jen's face lit up then and she grinned, bouncing on the balls of her feet, looking like she was going to hug her for a moment. She must've seen the flicker of fear and confusion in Sam's eyes though because she settled for an extra bounce and grinned, "Great! See you then!"

And the blonde turned and hurried off towards class and Sam continued getting her books.

* * *

. 

Sam wasn't good around people anymore. She hadn't been for quite a while, so it was understandable that just at lunch she was three steps away from socking the annoying guy in front of her in the jaw. She was close to it, so much so that her fist was curling, thumb wrapping about her fingers, the other holding tightly to her books.

He was alright she supposed, with chestnut brown hair, stunning blue eyes and all American good guy grin, but he made her feel like she was naked under his too smooth gaze and way of undressing her with his eyes, it was creepy.

"So how about it?" he smirked at her and she quirked a brow, temper just simmering under the surface, she shook her head.

"Really, it'd be fun…"

He was pulled away at that moment, turned to face the glowering face of Jake Ely. "She told you, no. Get lost," and he shoved the guy down the hall into a group of sophomore boys.

Curses filled the air and Sam's shoulders dropped from the tense way she'd been holding them, her fist uncurling and coming up to readjust her backpack strap. She nodded her thanks to Jake who was standing in front of her looking slightly annoyed.

Cody rushed up at that moment, laying a hand on Sam's shoulder, "are you okay? Who do I have to beat up?!"

Sam quirked a brow out of pure amusement at her younger brother before shaking her head and patting him on the cheek, she turned him to face Jake and sauntered off down the hallway.

"Sam!!" she waved her hand over her shoulder, she had track practice now if memory served her right.

It did she supposed because Jake jogged up next to her, still scowling as he fell into step.

"You and trouble," he muttered so that she barely caught it and in retaliation she raised a brow and rolled her eyes.

* * *

. 

Sam held her head up high when she jogged out onto the field, making sure the coach knew her annoyance at being there, really it was his fault she was roped into this and by crossing her arms she also let him no how annoyed she was to be standing in the Darton high sports uniform. The girls' gym shorts were definitely girls' gym shorts to short for a guy to even parade around in no matter how comfortable with his sexuality he was. And the running team girls wore green and bright yellow sports crop top which made it even worse.

She grimaced in annoyance at being one of the only four girls on the team, the coach stood in front of the eight boys, holding his trusty clip board and looking stern as he could.

"Right," his voice was loud as he eyed them lined up in front of him. "This is simple, lunch time we have an hour, you're down here and you train your ass off. Music is allowed in your own ears." He eyed the ipod jammed in Sam's shorts waist band between her hip and the green elastic with an air of someone well used to a losing argument with ipods concerned.

He cleared his throat and looked about the group again. "You can have track buddies and you will be training with weights. We don't won't anyone to run into trouble with all this so you will be monitored.

"Alright then, get lost."

Sam shook her head, tightened her ponytail and stuck on her earbuds before settling into her warm up loose light jog. The boys roughhoused ahead of her and she set her sight in front of her sneakers and concentrated on breathing in through her nose and out through her mouth. She had a vague sense of the other girls running past her and ignored it, focusing instead on what she herself was doing as she breathed evenly, her feet pounding the track evenly.

She'd reached the coach again when she passed the tiring girls but she was too focused to pay attention to that and kept going, the boys ran ahead of her until the fifth lap when they started to tire out, she drew even with one and then another and eventually passed them.

Her head now bobbing to the music in rhythm and her breathing becoming deeper as she pushed on.

By the ninth lap she caught up to the front runner that turned out to be Jake when the coach waved them to a stop.

He was beaming, grinning from ear to ear and bouncing on his toes almost.

The others collapsed onto the ground while Sam walked her circles trying to get her breathing under control.

"Alright!" the coach grinned, "that was excellent time there for all of you, some of you need to work on your stamina and pacing, others your breathing. Boys, less energy used in the beginning more for the ending. But Jake and Sam you two had a good even pace set, that's what I want you guys to do, girl's tomorrow work to Sam's pace, concentrate on breathing, boys work to Jake's pace, think about pacing yourself."

Those that could manage it, nodded, those who couldn't, lay wherever they'd fallen.

"Ten minutes to shower up and get to class so off you go!"

Sam watched him go with a puzzled look.

"I hurt," one of the girls whined.

"Oh suck it up," a boy puffed, "you only did four laps."

"All of you up," Jake said offering a hand to different people to help them up.

Sam offered the girls a hand which they took, grumbling and wincing as they headed for the change rooms.

"Dude it was worth falling back," one guy spoke up as Sam started for the change rooms, "seeing Forster's ass in those shorts… I had all the motivation I needed right in front of me."

Sam froze until she heard the sound of flesh hitting flesh.

"Ouch what the fuck was that for!"

"Its because she's mute not deaf dumb ass!" Jake growled in return and Sam, satisfied the idiot had gotten his just desserts headed for a well deserved shower.

* * *

. 

Sam exited the photography lab idly flicking through her neg prints and proof sheet, her seven chosen photographs rested in the manila folder tucked under her arm. She frowned a little in thought as she compared the negs against the proof, they were pretty good photographs and she liked the play of light and the motions she'd caught the soccer boys in.

One of them had the goalie leaping to catch the ball, another guy on his side skidding towards the guy boot still in the air from kicking the ball another boy was off to the corner flipping in victory at a kick. But Sam's angle was probably the most interesting thing. She'd kneeled by the net and focused up as the shot was taken so she caught the shadow that was the ball and the fact that Ryan was leaping towards her.

Another was pretty basic, a face off between two players, zoomed so that you could see the expression on the players face as he tried to keep the ball away from the other player. Another had the team just plain goofing off that was too amusing to file away.

Mr. Blair and the editor of the paper were waiting seated up the front of the class and Sam hurried up there while no one else was there.

The editor in chief, RJay smiled at Sam as she drew near and Mr. Blair sat back in his seat as if he was waiting which really he was.

Setting out her photo's on the clear space of desk she set down her proof sheet to show the other options and then stood back as they poured over them.

They mumbled, poked, prodded and eyed each photograph. Sometimes they reached for the proof to reference and then set it back down to mumble some more.

It was five minutes later that Mr. Blair sat back. for a moment he just stared at Sam and she tried to quell the nervous flutter, photographs were a personal extension, how he viewed them now made other things factor in such as future tasks, a reflection of how hard she worked on them and even though her other classes had suffered dramatically when she was back in san Francisco, she'd still kept her photography marks up as they seemed to be the only way she could express herself.

Mr. Blair tapped her favorite one with one finger. "Stop looking so nervous Forster," the man growled rolling his eyes. "You've got talent and an eye for small details that make these pictures good."

RJay picked up Sam's favorite photograph, "this is front page material, we just need the article to match it."

"Mr. Blair!" a voice Sam had only come to know to well, broke in. "Sorry to eavesdrop sir but you said the front photo was Daisy's," Rachel Slocum somehow managed to sashay up to the table in a tiny tube mini skirt with black heels and a flirty blouse.

Mr. Blair frowned at the girl, "Daisy will just have to make do with the second page. We need a picture that sells the paper."

RJay was smirking triumphantly at the miffed looking brunette, "I think Ally could do the write up, she's friends with them." He obviously didn't like her all that much.

Mr. Blair nodded. "Alright that's sorted, Forster your next task is to photograph the art students, there's an art week competition coming up and they want a good shot."

Sam nodded and started to gather together her photographs.

Just as Mr. Blair's coffee tipped over.

"Oops."

Brown bled into white and grey, swirling together to make a distinct sepia tone through the photography paper.

"Oh," Rachel twittered, "how clumsy of me."

RJay's lips pressed in a flat line and Mr. Blair didn't look to impressed either. Sam was just glad that her neg's were safe on top of some paperwork. But the photos were inevitably ruined.

Mr. Blair sighed in either aggravation or long suffering she couldn't really tell and waved a hand. "You kept all you test strips and filter numbers I hope Forster, reprint them for me and hand them in before four."

Sam saw Rachel's fake sympathetic smile and gritted her teeth as she gathered up the soggy photos and thanked god that the proof sheet wasn't screwed.

Damn, if she didn't dislike Rachel before, she sure did now.

* * *

Sam rubbed her temples as she dumped her second print in the fixer bath, her first currently soaking in water to get rid of any excess fixer chemicals. The red light was a soft glow and she was still trying to calm her temper down from before.

She sighed out, dropping her hands away from her temples.

At that moment there was a click and she flinched only to discover it as the door. She arched her brow and almost felt it disappear into her hairline when she discovered who had entered.

Jake crossed the room, "asked around, need help?"

She shot him an incredulous look and he didn't look annoyed to his credit, just mildly disgruntled. "My mom is obsessed with this photography shit, I know a few things. Need help or what?"

Sam wanted to ask him why he wanted to help, who he'd asked, and really why did he want to help? But she reigned in her curiosity and pointed to the enlarger set up with her next print choice in the neg case.

Surprisingly he headed straight over and started on a test strip and Sam content that he didn't want to screw it up for her, turned back to the baths to dump her photo in the water.

When the fifth photo was set in the developer and the others hanging on the line to dry save the forth which was still in the fixer she asked him.

"_Why did you help?"_

He snorted, "Had to make sure the team didn't look shit."

She had a feeling that that was only half the answer but she let it slide and instead turned back to look at her photo's while moving the fifth photo into the stop bath.

He shifted beside her and she peeked at him slightly, "anyway I was thinking, coach mentioned partners for track, did you wanna work with me?"

He said it as if it wasn't a big thing, a no big deal. His shoulders relaxed, head caulked.

There would be definite advantages in being his partner, he was experienced, fit and was captain. He'd help in area's she'd falter in. he lived close by so she'd have someone to run with and he knew sign language.

She nodded and saw a lazy Tom cat grin stretch over his features as he moved the fifth photograph into the fixer.

Sam managed to get the photos in at five to four.

* * *

**Soooo... u like dislike? **

**Yes Sam is interacting with various people, receving lewd comments but really I hope it hasn't been to overdone and that Jake still seems grumpy and impassive.**

**GottaGoListenToMusic:  
Lolz the drabbles are from one word out of each title of other phantom stallion fanfics since no one got that. hope you hols were good too! **

Shieldmaiden wot:

lolz that seems to be the general reaction hmm? thanks great to hear from you!

cocorocks111:  
its just a break in the story, an interlude. i'm glad you liked it sorry for losing you I will try! 

boom-chicka-wah-wah:  
nice to hear from you, glad you like it but the thing is this isn't about sam's voice and finding it, she can't, they've been damaged. this is about something totally different which i'm hoping everyone will pick up as it goes along... thanks for the review :)

Cem214:

abuse

aww great, i love hearing from you lol and i'd wondered where you'd gone and yes it is quite cute, hopefully this isn't to much in this chapter and it stays just sweet and not gag worthy. can't wait to hear from you!!

vickyykciv:

wow you don'tlike coke? lolz, i thought i wrote cookie but anyway thanks i love the fact you reviewed. you flatter me lol, the way to get me to write more :D thanks for the review!!


	9. Arc II: History of Conflicts

**Wow another one, just don't expect the next one to be up to soon, this is spurred by some inspiration Even after spending a day in the pool and watching cartoons I managed it, the inspiration came when I was running this morning.**

**So here you go and thanks for the lovely reviews!!**

* * *

Feel a little sorry  
Sometimes you're not here  
When I am writing  
Feels a little awkward  
Sometimes you won't talk  
But we're not fighting  
You hold onto your secrets  
And I'm not privy  
To what is on your mind  
But I can't help but feel tired  
So tired

- Anyone, Anyone, Dashboard Confessional

* * *

**.  
****Arc II: History of Conflicts**

Sam drummed her fingers against the steering wheel as she turned into school, the kids were busy arguing while she listened to her music just glad that they weren't bothering her with the fact that Sam had promised to take Reena shopping soon. When the arguing didn't let up as she pulled into a parking spot Sam took a piece of paper, scribbled something down and turned around to stare them down.

It took a minute or two for the bickering to stop in which she crossed her arms and arched her eyebrows while she waited. Still they didn't stop fighting until waved an arm between them. It was at these sorts of times that she really missed her voice as silence finally descended in the car.

They stared at her waiting and she held up the sign. Reena huffed in annoyance and the boys grinned happily as they read it. _"If it bothers you so much you guys can come to! Just stop arguing!"_

Reena was unhappy because she wanted to spend time with Sam without her brothers around. it was supposed to be big sister little sister time! She grumbled under her breath as she grabbed her bag and got out of the car and the boys followed afterwards ribbing her as Sam watched.

She rubbed at the bridge of her nose in aggravation and banged her head once against the headrest in annoyance before grabbing her bag and climbing out of the car.

"Hey Sam!" she looked up and saw Jen practically bouncing towards her with Ally next to her.

Jen was dressed loud today in a pair of purple skinny legs, black low cut converse with a purple tank beneath a loose lime green with purple lettering v neck sweatshirt. A lime green bow held back her ponytail for the day and her bangs fell messily into her eyes.

Sam felt pretty quiet in her loose olive green cargos that slung low on her hips, black flip flops and three quarter v-neck hooded black shirt that showed an inch or too of bare skin. She'd tugged her hair back in a loose ponytail she'd decided that when she took Reena shopping she'd get her hair trimmed a little shorter it was beginning to be a pain.

Ally looked pretty tame beside her blonde friend, dressed in a coral blue peasant skirt, beaded blue thongs and a white three quarter sleeved shirt with her wavy brown hair left out and loose.

Sam offered them a slight quirk of the lips and they grinned in return as she fell into step with them. "So I saw the shots for the soccer team," Ally spoke up. "They're really good and I have to write the article for it today, but god is Daisy peeved."

Sam gave her a curious look, and Ally catching it shrugged as they heading through the double doors into the school, "she wanted the front page for the cheerleading squad's new uniforms and I guess you could say that after Rachel spilt coffee on your photos she thought she'd get it."

"Personally I'd rather see the jocks on the cover rather than Rachel flaunting the new to tiny to be legal cheerleading outfit. It's not even an outfit, it's a bikini!" Jen said disgustedly and Sam's lips twitched a little. "That's the reason why girls have no respect for themselves because air headed barbies like to show off their no hips and over exaggerated chest size! That is what gives wing to bulimia and anorexia and self esteem issues! God the focus on the human body is so bad that I feel guilt when I nibble on an apple!"

Sam and Ally shared a wry look, "feel better now?" Ally asked her friend dryly.

Jen seemed to take a big breath and then sighed offering Sam a slight smile. "Sorry, I tend to get a bit carried away."

Ally mumbled something that sounded suspiciously like, 'understatement' and then offered a slight smile. "We have history now right Sam?"

Sam having learnt her timetable a few days ago nodded and they said goodbye to Jen who headed off to physics and they headed to Mrs. Ely's class room.

Other students were just settling into their seats as they entered and Mrs. Ely was seated at her desk seeming to pour over a thick tome resting on the surface before her. Sam and Ally took their seats, Ally joining her in her self seclusion by the window.

When the bell rang, Mrs. Ely looked up from her book and smiled at the students seated before her.

"Great you're all here," she stood up taking a sheaf of paper with her. "I have an assignment for all of you. Its due March so you have plenty of time to do it and do it well. It will be completed in pairs and it's on anything that we are studying within syllabus. You need to reference everything you use for it, cite authors, quote them, also make sure the websites you use are referenced and don't disappear within a week. you have to be thorough on this.

"The project counts towards forty five percent of your grade, the other being on attendance, participation and all other homework and assignments. I don't want to see a half assed report, remember that if one half of the partnership fails the other half fails as well, I won't have separate pieces from groups handed in. This is a group effort so make it a group effort."

Sam took the information down in small precise notes. Beside her Ally did the same whereas other students didn't even bother, when she looked up she could see Mrs. Ely's displeased look roam about the room.

"Actually I think I'll make it sixty percent of your grade," she frowned at the students, "anyone failing to complete the project fully will ultimately fail this class."

A hand rose, "Miss," it was Rachel Slocum, "what if we have an excuse?"

Mrs. Ely crossed her arms, "in the end they are just excuses, you have six almost seven months to complete this. More than enough time to complete the project, I will expect an outline in three weeks."

Other students shuffled, now that the stakes had been raised no one was willing to annoy the teacher anymore as she looked pretty pissed about Rachel's little question. Said girl was now sitting back in her seat looking extremely annoyed.

"Anyway," Mrs. Ely broke away from staring down her students, "I chose the pairings out of a hat so that we won't have any problems I _hope,_" she gave a pointed look to those students who groaned.

"So first pairing up, Kolby Hatch and Bianca Ford, then Ally McClintock and Nate Ely, Sam Forster and Jake Ely," Sam looked over at Jake and he nodded to her before they both turned back to the front. Sam tuned out the rest of them until Mrs. Ely got right to the end of the list and if Sam wasn't mistaken she saw a little sadistic glee as well as a bit of guilt as she read out the names, "Darrel Sutherland and Rachel Slocum."

"What!?" Rachel yelped and a majority of students snickered. "are you kidding? He's so slack! He won't help at all!!"

"Aww I'm almost hurt," a bored drawl drew Sam's eyes over to a brunette boy casually slouched in his seat next to Jake. Dark heavy lidded eyes were alive with mischief despite the lax poise his slender frame exhibited. He had on a backwards baseball cap, baggy loose jeans that showed off several inches of his black and gold boxers and a tight black t-shirt that showed off a well muscled but not too much, physic. Students snickered at his comment and when he saw Sam looking at him he gave a flirty wink.

"Partners are permanent Miss Slocum, I suggest you get alone with Darrel you need each other in this."

"Can't I swap with someone? Samantha would be a good choice, she can't communicate with anyone, what's the use of her working with a partner?!"

Sam froze, spine snapping straight. Other students were gaping and staring at the affronted looking brunette with incredulous looks. Rachel didn't seem to care that she'd just insulted another student. Obviously it was something that was too below her own need at that moment.

Sam's hands clenched, fingernails digging into her palms while her stiff spine showed how uncomfortable she was in the suddenly silent classroom.

"Miss Slocum," Mrs. Ely's voice was sharp with annoyance and distinct disapproval. She threw Sam an apologetic look but the red head was too focused on the white board ahead of her. "I think that you didn't hear me properly but partners are _permanent_, you are stuck with them, period. For insulting a fellow student you'll spend an hour in detention this afternoon and another one tomorrow."

Sam still stared at the whiteboard.

* * *

.  
The river sang as Sam sat by it. it gurgled over the rocks and flowed over her cold toes but she hardly noticed. Her gaze fixed far ahead on the mountains as she sat in black track pants and a light blue hoody with the hood drawn up.

Her gaze had been faraway all day, in journalism she had gone to the art block to scan the artworks and the artist, taking a few shots, but they were half assed and she'd have to get better ones on Monday and in practice she'd completely zoned out everything and didn't realize that for the last four laps of the track she was running even with Jake until the ecstatic coach had pointed it out.

She even managed to zone out the football teams comments from the middle of the field doing drills.

_Sam can't communicate with anyone_.

_Has she always been mute? _

_Cat got your tongue? _

_She was in an accident, that's why she's here! _

_What's the matter with her? Can't she talk? _

_It seems we missed it, but we're afraid Sam will never talk again… _

_Never talk again…_

She shut her eyes against the blurriness that threatened to overwhelm her and counted down in her head. When she reached one she opened her eyes again and sighed out.

She thought she'd numbed herself a little bit, gotten used to the fact that she'd never talk again but she guessed that it took only one small stab to completely tear at that old wound and make it sting.

Passive anger welled up in her chest. It was a cold, controlled furious anger that welled up in her chest. How could one completely self-centered little girl be so, so, so well, self-centered? For gods sake did she not see how many other people had it worse off than her? Sam had seen the corvette the girl drove, the fact that she had the one boy that plenty of the female half (and some boys) at school swooned at as he walked past. But obviously if one little thing rocked her perfect cruise liner (she couldn't have a boat like normal people, she was to much of a princess for something so plebian) she threw a hissy fit and stabbed at as many people as she could within twenty seconds of the first miniscule ripple.

Sam blew a frustrated sound out of her lips and wrinkled her nose. She couldn't decide what was worse, the fact that Rachel had taken a stab at her or within the first five minutes of being let out of class she was subjected to pitying stares, really did the students have ESP or some shit like that? That could be the only way that rumors got around so fast or else someone could text a whole lot faster than they let on.

Another sigh escaped her, this one defeated and tired as she turned her wrist to look at the chunky face of her watch and mentally groaned, one o'clock in the morning? She so wasn't getting to sleep tonight.

Her mom used to say Sam slept like a log, not now though, never now. The only time she'd get up early was when she had her riding lessons four times a week. A small smile slipped over her face, riding, her mom had loved it and she'd picked up her love of it ever since she was four.

She leaned her head back as a soft smile touched her lips, god she missed it. She guessed she could ask to start riding again. She'd been up to a meter twenty at the stables and had been up to elementary level in dressage. It might be worth taking it up with dad sometime soon.

Sam stood up, shaking her toes off and stuffing her feet back in her flip flops she tucked her hands in the sweat shirt pockets and started back into the house, she could go back to reading _Red River_ and wait for four thirty.

That sounded like a good idea.

She set her flip flops on the porch, tugging down her hood before pushing through to the kitchen. She almost jumped out of her skin when she realized that she wasn't alone in being up at such an ungodly hour.

She blinked as she finally came face to face with her dad's second wife.

She was pretty, mom had been beautiful, stunning someone had once commented. But Brianna was like a doll, and her hair, Sam almost choked, her hair was the same auburn color as her _mothers_, as her own. Her eyes were a bright _sapphire_ blue and her face was fine boned and classical with a deep set tan and a multitude of freckles.

"Hello," her voice low and soft broke through the quiet. "You couldn't sleep either?" she seemed amused and a bit hesitant.

Sam's breathing was sharp and she forced herself to slow it down. She was going to hyperventilate. This woman looked so much like Louise that her hands started to shake as her mouth went dry.

Bryanna gave a nervous laugh, "well you're beautiful, I've seen pictures but I've been so busy I hadn't met you. You look so much like your mother."

Sam started to shake, fine tremors racking her frame. She breathed in deep through her nose and managed a slight tiny nod. This woman was just like Louise! But that wasn't possible, her mind scrambled to make sense of it all.

Bryanna's forehead wasn't as wide as mom's, she didn't have the slight flick to her nose and she didn't have the beauty spot on her collar bone like mom.

Sam relaxed slightly but remained wary.

"Would you like some tea?" Bryanna continued, seeming to be just as nervous as Sam as she chattered. "I thought it might help me sleep, I could use the company."

Sam bit the inside of her cheek. Her mother had given her a chance, had let her be with dad, had given this woman so much and she was nervous?

She cast her eyes away and shrugged her shoulders a little before gingerly taking a seat while Bryanna bustled around.

When she finally sat down two cups of tea in hand she smiled nervously, "I know sign language if that makes you feel better."

Sam blew softly at the cup of tea and cast her eyes on the table top.

This woman looked too much like her mother.

* * *

**whistles O.o so anyway you like dislike? **

**Hope no one thinks I'm pushing them together. ****(NOTE: This is not a story just about Sam and Jake getting together, Please remember that!!!!) ****I was originally going to go with Rachel as Sam's partner but you know, I'm such a bitch I thought I'd squash her with Darrel lolz, poor Darrel. And yes Rachel is a bitch but afterall she figures the world revolves around her so she's not tactful, she's not apologetic and I thought I'd use a book thing there you know how Rachel is so into Jake in a few books trying to make Sam jealous so i thought why the hell not? So I will be through a lot of Physc stuff at you in this, but hey it wouldn't be a story without a bit of angst. lolz:D:D**

**Review replies:**

**cocorocks111 - **I'm going to get this story working whether it likes it or not! Yeah she is an antisocial little bugger isn't she :D:D I love her interaction, its the best part to write about!

**Horselvr101** - Thankies!! and I'll Try :D

**Harley97 - **I'll try :D:D

**vickyykciv - **Yah! i like reviews lolz, getting feedback is important for any writer I'm glad you like the stories:D

**GottaGoListenToMusic - **Thanks for reveiwing again:D

**HorseLover20693 - **Umm I don't know lolz, i'm glad you are now though :D yes Tenderfoot is mine and i'm working on it so hopefully (like fingers and toes and thumbs crossed) i'll have another chapter up soon. No its not weird, a chapter or two? i thought there was five chapters in it... and i'll try!! D 

**Cem214** - Thankies!! so am i really it was getting pretty sad when i'd look at it, type a few words and then delete them. i'm glad you do and I'm hoping to get a good portion of it finished over the next few weeks because when i go back to school i have limited internet. Good i'm glad they aren't ooc and happy that you love it!!

**PrettyTough15 -** Thanks nice to hear from you :D


	10. Arc II: Gangsters and Nurses

**Ok yes I am a slice of awesome -grins- I decided that I would write a chapter today and make myself do it, it's alot easier now that I have my outline all finished.**

**I love this chapter it took a couple of hours and here in tas its 10:06 exactly at night and I started writing at twelve on and off. Lolz -bounces in seat- I am on a sugar high loving the day because I came in fourth (with some tought competition hounding at me -) at an event yesterday and I can finally eat solids again, I am in a very good mood, so enjoy!!**

* * *

Something's getting in the way  
Something's just about to break  
I will try to find my place in the diary of Jane  
As I burn another page  
As I look the other way  
I still try to find my place in the diary of Jane  
So tell me how it should be  
- The Diary of Jane, Breaking Benjamin

* * *

**.  
Arc II: Gangsters and Nurses**

Sam flicked through a page in a history book, staring at the words and pictures before her in concentration and then looked back to the notepad before her, tapping her pacer against the three choices she'd thought of, her eyes ghosting over each.

Jake and Sam had agreed to meet in the library in their mutual free and she was currently waiting for him.

She sighed and flicked back through her book blowing out a breath to stir the fringe covering her eyes. tapping her pacer again to the rhythm of a song stuck in her head she mouthed the lyrics, wishing wistfully that her voice would work but no sound answered her and she absent mindedly raised her hand to her neck and touched her throat. Then furrowed her brows in disappointment, she never would speak again, thanks the damage of the car crash she'd lost her recurrent laryngeal nerve and was stuck this way thanks to it.

Shaking her head she tapped her pacer, shaking off her nonsensical thoughts in the process and concentrating instead on the task at hand.

She was jumped out of her concentration a minute later as she felt some one touch her hair. Whipping around in her surprise she saw Jake looking at her with his dark brown eyes an unreadable look deep within them, one hand still fingering her hair.

She knew it looked really different from the once waist length mass it was. Now her fringe feathered over her eyes and swooped slightly to the left, till it got to feathering about her jaw line. From there it was layered at all different levels, some four inches long, some chin and jaw length, then shoulder length, and it was thinned like crazy and straightened, mussed in a casual way by her fingers and hands.

It made her eyes bigger, her mouth vulnerable and made her head feel lighter. Jen and Ally hadn't seen it yet and now it didn't surprise her at all that she was waiting for their opinion on it. In the two weeks she'd been at Darton she'd gotten semi used to them, not so used to them to be touched, she'd just about jumped out of her skin and had backpedaled furiously when Jen once touched her without thinking, throwing her arm about Sam's shoulder and completely shocking her. Jen had apologized profusely afterwards but Sam had just shaken her head and shrugged it off. She was relearning things and taking them as they came now, first by relearning having friends.

Her Gram had looked surprised at her hair cut and then fussed over it and said it made her look cute, dad had given her a smile and Bryanna had nodded in approval. Sam had caught Reena eyeing her own hair in a contemplative manner and had signed how she'd miss having all her hair to play with which Bryanna translated looking slightly relieved.

Sam wasn't sure on what to do about Bryanna at all. She was chatty, worked with horses and seemed genuinely nice. But she still was on shaky ground with Sam because she was still resentful and hurt about her dad's choice and in Sam's eyes Bryanna was the root of the problem.

Jake was still staring at her as she ripped herself out of her thoughts, his gaze still concentrated on her face and hair before he sat.

Sam pushed her notepad over to him, not surprised that he hadn't said anything at all, he hadn't seen her since their run on Saturday. Ten miles early in the morning, at five so that she'd to wear a jacket and then Sam had had Jen over to tutor her for two hours and then she'd tutored Jen in sign language which she was picking up really quickly which was good, Ally was learning to from Jen teaching her on the days that Sam had track training.

Gram was still watching that she ate something in the morning and Sam still dutifully took her lunch and somehow got rid of it without anyone noticing. She was finding new muscles all the time, firming and toning with the weight lifting and running she did all the time.

Carefully, slowly she was making friends with her track team as well so that was a good thing she supposed since she was spending a lot of her time with them.

Her notebook was set down in front of her and she instinctively looked towards it, eyes unfocused for a moment before her gaze concentrated on the one he'd circled. The Old West.

"They were good choices," his voice was quiet in the library, "but this is the choice, so we draw up the outline."

Sam nodded and they set to work on it, discussing with rapid hand movements and quiet murmurings respectively to come up with an idea.

When the bell rang for next class Sam packed her bag to go to her next class which was science with Jen, Jake did the same.

"It suits you," Sam stuttered to a halt for a moment to look over her shoulder at the tall young man with his short ponytail of black hair, his bangs shadowing his bright brown eyes that were focused intently on her face.

She mouthed the words 'thank you' and then hurried out of the library to get away from those intense eyes.

* * *

.  
Jen squealed in excitement when she saw Sam's new short hair, grinning excitedly and practically bouncing in her seat as she motioned her over. Sam dumped her bag in her seat for science class and strolled hands in the pockets of her grey loose hoody jacket with its faux fur lined hood and stopped at Jen's desk as other students slowly trickled in. 

"Oh wow, that looks so cool!" Jen beamed wide, her own hair loose and free in wild tumble curls that reached just past her shoulders. "It looks so awesome did you get it done on the weekend?"

'_Yeah I did_' she signed in return.

Jen grinned, "That would look so awesome at the Halloween dance we just have to find you the costume to go with it."

Sam arched a brow, _'and since when am I going to a Halloween dance?'_

"You are now Miss," Jen grinned leaning forward in her seat. "I'm going and so is Ally, we've got it on Thursday and get a long weekend cause they give us Friday off."

Sam frowned, she wasn't so sure and then Jen pouted, blue eyes going wide and innocent. For a moment it was stalemate.

The redhead dropped her shoulders, knowing when she was beaten and Jen grinned, bouncing happily in her seat knowing she'd won.

"Great, you can stay the night at mine!"

Sam wondered if this was such a good idea as she went to take her seat. She was met by the grinning face of her lab partner, none other than Darrell. He wiggled his eyebrows at her as she sat. Reaching out and flicking a piece of Sam's hair and ignoring the way Sam stiffened, "love the sexy new hair Sammy-babe," he grinned saucily. "Goes with that redhead temptress thing you got going on."

Sam shook her head. Darrell, if anything, was harmless. He was a slacker sure until she scowled at him and he laughingly helped her out, he certainly wasn't dumb either (actually Sam thought he was smarter than he let on) and he was pretty much an incorrigible flirt. Sam got along well with him and he shockingly knew sign language and made her crack tiny smile every time he dolled a witty joke or quip.

Right now she shrugged him off with a roll of her eyes despite faint amusement and looked towards the slightly late teacher.

* * *

.  
Sam could not believe she'd been talked into this, even less so when her siblings bounced past her into the crowd. The gym had been transformed pretty well with black and orange material hanging on the walls, pumpkins and fake bats were everywhere along with spiders and their webs. Ghosts and ghoul cut outs made by the art department were set up and there were teachers hovering on the perimeter of the gym dressed up as well as their students. 

There were the traditional ghosts, witches, mummies and the like but there were also princesses and their princes, she could see a set of three musketeers, firemen, angels, a lion was wandering around with a jungle explorer, movie stars, astronauts, Sam even saw a Marie Antoinette.

She shook her head and looked down at her costume again to check it looked right, she'd come dressed as a military/boot camp cadet. Black knee high boots stretched up her legs which were quite comfortable, short cameo printed shorts with a cameo print fitted shirt over top baring only three or two inches of the shorts, it was short sleeved and she'd popped the collar and draped two thick black belts about hips to set it off and she had on a olive green cadet cap and black fingerless gloves her now short hair in two short plaits at the sides of her head.

"You look hot," Jen winked as she nudged Sam further into the gym, Ally following.

Jen had come as Amelia Earhart. She wore a short brown pleated mini skirt, with a sleeveless hooded brown jacket that had grey faux fur lining the hood that Sam had lent to her for the night she also the strange brown aviator's hat with the black flying goggles perched atop her head. A light cream scarf was wrapped loosely about her neck with a pair of caramel mid shin length hiking boots on her feet that she had borrowed off Sam again. She looked pretty awesome with her hair pulled back in a French braid.

Ally had come as a military nurse to keep with the theme the three had going on. She had on a fawn mini skirt with black shin high boots that had been borrowed from Jen, and a cameo top like Sam's except with the patch that had a white cross on a red background on the left breast pocket, a single loose belt about her narrow waist and her hair straightened and pulled into a sleek side ponytail with a fawn nurse cap with a red cross on it.

They all looked pretty cool in their outfits as they wound their way through the crowd heading for somewhere… Sam's lips quirked slightly before her face became blank. And this school dance unlike a lot of others actually had a good DJ on the decks as she listened to the remix they had going on.

Students pressed against one another, some dancing crazily others doing whatever. She started in surprise, jumping as an arm draped itself about her shoulders making her tense and stiffen. That was until she caught sight of Darrell who was the perpetrator with an arm about Ally's shoulders as well.

He'd come as a gangster. He had on a bright neon purple fedora hat, a neon purple long sleeved shirt which he'd rolled up the sleeves of with black arm bands as well as popping the collar. A black tie was tied neatly about his neck and over the shirt he had on a black vest with black pressed pants and a black belt, fake empty holsters over his arms added to the effect.

He winked at Ally, "I got hurt in basketball today, wanna play nurse and make me feel all better?"

Ally scoffed rolling her eyes, "you are such an idiot Darrell."

He grinned charmingly, "Always around you doll face."

Sam watched the two of them quietly, sensing an undercurrent of strong sexual tension between them. The look in Darrell's eyes telling Sam that this was genuine flirting, not the innocent joking stuff that he did with her. And Ally had the look of someone who had a crush on him but was holding back because she was wary of his playboy nature.

Sam looked to Jen and saw her looking towards an entirely different person.

She followed the blondes gaze and tilted her head when she found what the girl was looking at and found Ryan Slocum.

He looked good he too was dressed as a gangster. He too wore black slacks, white toed black shoes with a solid black vest and black tie, the sleeves of his bright green shirt rolled up with the black bands, he also had on a matching bright green fedora and an empty gun holster vest. He caught sight of them at the moment, grinned and waved before tugging another person along with him.

Sam shook her head at her track buddy as she caught sight of him a step behind Ryan, her lips quirked minutely slightly amused. He had the whole ongoing theme of the others, the pressed black slacks, the black vest and the sharp tie, the shoes and finally a bright neon blue fedora and shirt with its sleeves rolled up too with his black arm bands and empty holsters his black hair tied back in its normal stubby pony tail.

He rolled his eyes making a comment to the people they were leaving, not seeing who Ryan was leading him towards.

Sam's attention was pulled away for a moment as Darrell started prodding Amy to dance with him. The willowy brunette was making every excuse she could and Sam watched in amusement as Darrell finally just picked her slightly up and carried her protesting onto the dance floor.

Jen laughed and Sam heard a chuckle and a slow laugh emit right near her so she looked around and saw Ryan and Jake standing near them one grinning brightly, the other smirking lazily as they watched Darrell coax Ally into dancing.

And for a moment, a slight small moment, three people glimpsed something that hadn't been seen in almost five months, a brilliant, beautiful smile tilted the redhead's lips.

And one dark haired male had to hide how he felt he felt the jump in his chest at the ethereal beauty that lit her face.

* * *

**.  
So I'm thinking, you like, dislike? **

**I know -gasp- I cut her hair, lolz sorry!**

**And one thing, I don't do overly fluffy, aside from Sam with kids, but sappy gooey stuff has me running so this is not horribly mushy or gooey but it is short and sweet so I hope you like this kind of shit. **

**And I also ound something out that is annoying me no end, I thought Sam had blue eyes and then I read somewhere that she had brown but they aren't, I was right they are blue. So read you review replies while I go tear my hair out.**

**turquoise.seas** - thank you, bows, thank you for your review -

**HorseLover20693** - lolz thats okay, really? Did the summary sound that bad? Thats good to no. Great to hear - (I love enthusiasm) Nope she won't hopefully it is clarified for everyone in this chapter because thats a very FAQ I'm afraid I may have to underline it, caps it and bold it to get people to see it sighs. I'm trying, I start work again this week so we'll see what happens. That is a good idea, contact me again and we'll see what happens.

**Horselvr101** - Thankyou and no, see Sam is pretty much feeling as if she is a guest or something at the ranch, sort of not sure where her boundaries are. And really riding someone else horse with out knowing it is dangerous (aside from insrtuctor horses). For example Duke (my big eventer) and Charlie (my baby -) would freak if anyone else were to get on them, my instructor, when she sat on Duke the first time had to sit through him freaking out because he's only ever really been ridden by me for the last three and a half almost four years and Charlie has only ever really had me ride him and kinda goes into flee mode about other people (which is a really bad habit that is being curbed). Hope that clarifies that for you! Thanks for the review!

**PrettyTough15** - Lol thanks, and yes I do think he is a slice of awesome - I'm getting a lot of those and yes I'll try to update soon. Thanks for the review.

**GottaGoListenToMusic** - Gotta love enthusiasm, it fuels my passion for writing (as do reviews which i appreciate lots I hope you all know) Sooo... here's an update and hopefully the next one is soon.


	11. Arc II: Cars and Cowboys

**DA NUH NA NUH, NA NUH, NA NUH, Can't touch this!**

**lol I'm estatic, I updated!!! Wooh! Go me!**

**Sorry if there are any mistakes or some such but yes!! It is 12am here and I am officially stoked! Who loves me, Joking!! lol**

.

* * *

And color the coast with your smile,  
It's the most genuine thing  
that I've ever seen.  
I was so lost,  
but now I believe.  
-Carry This Picture For Luck, Dashboard Confessional

* * *

.  
Arc II:

Snow flew up from beneath the albino's hooves as Sam rode him through the deep drifts, bundled up in a fleece lined jacket. The slender milk white legs of the horse stretched out before him as he traveled beside the rangy chestnut that Sam's riding partner sat on.

Their hooves were loud as they clunked over the bridge and Sam looked ahead to the white frosted ginger bread house that was the ranch house, the cowboys bunk house was dusted with snow that Reena was currently clearing for them as Cody dug in the water troughs with the digging bar, the other horses crowding about him. Jaxom was at the barn shoveling snow out of the door, a small path was cleared from the barn to the bunkhouses and the main house and someone had cleared a trench through the snow with the plow on the back of dad's Ute.

Sam rubbed her nose slightly as she looked over at Pepper who was already getting off, she swung down from her saddle and led Popcorn over to the hitching rail. It was a muted quiet that muffled the world around them, the powder that was telling that winter was now here. She sighed at the sound and started towards taking off Popcorn's tack only to find it was already being taken off him. Dad was undoing the cinch in quick sensible movements of someone well used to it and with enough energy to show he knew how to not waste any on it.

He looked at her as she arched a brow at her and nodded his head slightly, "you and Cody are coming with me today." He tilted his head towards his truck, "you need a car. Sue sent money and there's yours."

He didn't explain why Cody was coming, and she didn't ask.

* * *

.  
But later as she stretched jean clad legs out before her she found at as dad tossed a familiar book over his shoulder to Cody, he was fifteen so he probably had his permit but he'd also need a hardship license too she supposed.

She was jerked out of her thoughts by a small light weight being tossed in her lap. She looked down and saw an envelope and over the front the flowing writing of her name across it, opening it she pulled out a piece of paper and another smaller envelope and setting the envelope down she opened the letter.

_Dear Sam,_

_How're you honey? _

_I've seen your marks, they've improved._

_Work is hectic here, a lot of cases and all that. _

_Anyway, I thought you'd like an early Christmas and birthday present, I've talked it over with you're dad and delved into funds and I think you should find enough to get a really good car._

_Choose well and I'll hopefully see you soon._

_Love Aunt Sue_

Sam blinked, sat down the letter with a small pang and lifted up the other envelope and pulled out its contents. Once she saw the small piece of paper her eyes widened a fraction and she just managed to stop herself from gaping as she breathed in deeply and scanned it again to make sure that what she was reading was right. That was a lot of money.

Slipping it back in its envelope she tucked it into the first and opened the letter again as she started to read between the lines in the letter.

_Dear Sam,_ (Hey sweetie)

_How're you honey?_ (Does it hurt as much?)

_I've seen your marks, they've improved._ (I've heard you've been better, not walking out of classes and you have friends again, doing track as well, I'm happy)

_Work is hectic here, a lot of cases and all that_. (I Miss you)

_Anyway, I thought you'd like an early Christmas and birthday present, I've talked it over with you're dad and delved into funds and I think you should find enough to get a really good car._ (Please understand why I sent you away, drive safely)

_Choose well and I'll hopefully see you soon._ (We'll help you get though, choose the right path, I miss you)

_Love Aunt Sue_ (I love you)

Sam folded the letter carefully, tucking it in its envelope and folding it carefully away. She turned to look out the window thoughtfully.

* * *

.  
Cody passed his written test with flying colors and only ran into a little trouble with the gears during his driving section. Sam leaned against the truck while she waited and when Cody practically bounced out of the DMV and swept her up within three strides.

He was too excited to notice how she tensed as he swept her up and she managed to force herself to relax as he swung her around once then twice and settled her down with a grin.

'I take it you passed.' She signed and he beamed happily.

"did you ever doubt me?" he grinned, behind him Sam watched dad arching his eyebrows at them.

Shrugging her shoulder she arched a brow, 'do I have to answer that?'

He rolled his eyes getting the gist of what she was asking, but grinned easily, "come on, time to get you a car!"

Sam sighed, shaking her head as she followed him into the blue pick up.

* * *

.  
It was as Sam was signing the papers for her new 4x4 blue Mitsubishi triton when Cody's mobile rang.

"Hey mum! Guess what car Sam got!" his voice was chipper, he was more excited about the car than Sam, almost so much so that it was funny.

When he fell silent though, she shot him a suspicious look, pausing in her writing. Dad was standing at her shoulder reading some brochure also turned. He cocked an eyebrow but Cody didn't seem to notice their stares talking on the phone as he was.

"Oh, ok, sure I'll tell them," his face had become immediately worried and he hung up quickly.

At the two staring at him he announced, "Dad, we have to get to mum's work now."

Sam had finished signing papers and the guy at the desk gave her the keys for her new Ute. Cody wasted no time tugging her out of the office, dad following along behind them.

* * *

.  
Willow Springs Horse Center was set off the most disgustingly hairpin turning road what Cody sitting next to her in the passenger seat of her dual cab, called the thread and needle. She slowed down to navigate it, following behind dad's own blue Ute.

Sam couldn't resist looking down the Cliffside towards the glimmering blue ribbon that was the water below her. It glittered and wound about looking from here like nothing more than a piece of discarded thin blue ribbon. The road had been aptly named for what it was but she couldn't help but breathe a sigh of relief when they finally meandered their way down the Horse Centers drive.

Horse yards and holding pens scattered about the area held horses of all different shapes, colors and sizes. Brown, bay, dun, buckskin, back, pinto, skewbald, her eyes drank them in. some had foals at foot, just a month or two before they were ready to be weaned others were dozing and quiet and some ran about their pen calling in heartbroken voices back to their brothers of the wild. Sam couldn't help but feel a surge of pity and sadness well up at that.

Deliberately she moved her eyes along to the next yards, filled with yearlings, lanky and scruffy losing their coats, fluffy ears swung this way and that taking in everything that they could. They looked mildly bored but alert as they munched at hay. But soon her eyes were pulled towards the direction of a small cluster of people around the gate of what looked to be a tall round yard.

A high pitched whiny is what she first heard and that was what made her hurry towards the gate of the pen, pushing past people until she saw through the bars what was causing so much interest.

Her heart stilled to a stop before it started again in the next instant. But I that instant what she saw made her heart cry, midnight black with dapples of grey starting and flashes of blood she swallowed hard and then swallowed again. Her fingers clenched about the bar but she didn't notice at all.

The horse was light, slender legs, fine head, arched neck. Its coat was dark blue black like a ravens wing but for where it was dappling over the back and rump. As it moved, legs reaching, nostrils wide, eyes displaying their whites the coat rippled like velvet. Blood leaked from her knees and chest, underneath her neck, it dripped into its eyes ad frightened it further with the smell and touch.

And people were standing here gawking like idiots?

She didn't know what made her do it but she was in the ring and before anyone could stop her in the middle of the round yard.

"Sam! Samantha! Come back here!" dad's voice sounded panicked.

Sam didn't want to but she ignored him as she relaxed her shoulders, making her posture as unthreatening as possible. The horse's sides were heaving, it was limping and stumbling over its outside front. It was off on its own but she didn't have a voice to sooth it, all she had was body language.

It careened about and se studied it but never let her body language change from being unthreatening and relaxed. She kept her breathing become quiet but never looked the horse in the eyes as she waited.

Outside she didn't know people were holding their breath, that her dad was gripping the railing with white knuckles while Brynna gripped his shirt sleeve. Cody stood by in white faced, but eager anticipation.

To Sam that world was gone, all she saw was the horse, all she saw was herself here and now in their own world focused on one another. She waited, and waited and then, she saw a change. The outline of the horse changed, still tense, still frightened, but it did change as it turned one ear on her. Sam backed away to the round yard wall, she was tempted to hold her breath but she didn't, biting her lip though she touched the edge and then the horse startled but changed direction, inside ear locked on her and she carefully moved back into the center.

Sam had once been told that when the horse puts it's inside ear on you it is locked on to you, listening and watching to wait for your next movement and very carefully she eased backwards until she touched the wall again. This time when the horse turned, she didn't move. The horse threw up its head confused, halting, chewing its lips as it thought and Sam remained where she was.

That was, until the horse collapsed.

If Sam could've cried out she would've as the horse seemed to sway, its eyes closed and it fell heavily to the sand covered ground.

Her sneakers couldn't move fast enough and she fell to her knees, reaching for the horse's head. Long black lashes were closed as she felt the silky smooth coat as she touched it reverently. It only took her a moment to locate the source of the horse collapse, running her eyes over the horse frantically as she saw a small glass capsule pointing out of the skin obviously attached to a needle. A tranquillizer dart.

"Good job," a quiet voice alerted her to a small gathering of people, her father, her step mom and a young vet carrying a bag. He was the one who had spoken and he carried a small tranquillizer gun in his other hand. He was sandy haired and lithe, his eyes covered by glasses, his face was kind as he looked down at the horse, "she was moving too much for me to get a good shot. You gave me the opportunity I needed."

Dad's face was white as a sheet and he wasted no time reaching out and snatching Sam up onto her feet and into his arms. He was not big on affection in public places so it really must've frightened him.

"Don't you ever, ever scare me like that again," he growled. Squeezing her tight he glowered at the horse, "she could'a hurt you."

Sam shook her head hopelessly, trying to push him away, she wanted to be with the horse.

"Gutsy daughter Wyatt, what with her a going in there with that filly, they said she was mute, maybe you should get her head checked out too, could be just plain crazy. Oughta leave that stuff to men," Sam felt her dad stiffen at the obviously put on drawling voice of a cowboy.

Craning her head around she narrowed her eyes angrily towards the gate and saw a large bellied man heaved up over a belt buckle as big as her two fists put together. His hair was slicked back white blonde with a large white ten gallon hat over top and a blue crisp shirt with overdone rodeo fringes stretching over is rather gone to seed belly. His jeans looked new and his heeled cowboy boots had a certain new sheen to them as well, as if they'd just been pulled out of their box and needed to be broken in. She decided then and there that she disliked him on sight as he flashed a white toothed perfect smile at her that was too large to be sincere.

"Now, now honey, no need to get offended. It was stupid of ya to go out and do a man's job, wild horses are no animal for a little lady such as yourself."

Sam's body tensed, her face growing hot and she scowled from her father's arms at the man.

"On the contrary Linc," the vet called out mildly as he began his work of cleaning out the cuts and gashes. "Sam is the perfect person for this filly."

"No, no, absolutely not!" dad was angry, Brynna was insistent and Sam was stubborn. Cody sat and enjoyed the show.

They were in Brynna's office and were discussing, more like arguing about the dappling filly in the round pen currently standing head down. Her knees and legs were bandaged, her chest and neck had a few small sutures and was sprayed with purple spray. She was still dopey with the anesthesia and swayed slightly still, eyes dropped, lip loose and ears falling out to the side.

She was the picture of dejection and it was her that Sam looked at out the office window. They'd ben arguing for half an hour now and dad's protests were growing feebler and feebler.

"Wyatt, stop being so stubborn," Brynna's lips were twisted in annoyance. "She will be the perfect match for Sam, Sam is a good rider and horsewoman, and she can handle herself."

"She's got other things to concentrate on."

Already Sam had said that she could manage and Brynna had interpreted it for him to which he'd scowled.

"You already said she needed a horse of her own. So let her have this one, they obviously understand one another or how else would she have gotten her to lock on. She's not stupid, the horse could be good. Its smart, mustang bred with good hooves, sense and could be anything, so stop being so god damn stubborn and say yes!" Brynna crossed her arms.

Wyatt's mouth firmed, he looked from his wife, to his son and then finally to his daughter. He could see the ook in her yes, the one he knew so well to be her mothers and to be his own. Stubborn. He rubbed at his forehead, if it was one thing he regretted it was never loving her the way she deserved. But his daughter, their daughter, she'd been a creation and he loved her. Rough and tough cowboy he may be but she looked fragile and small next to that mustang and it had made him hold his breath.

But now he could see her determination to do right by the horse and he struggled as he came to a decision.

"Alright," his voice was tight and jerky as it reached Sam's ears after the fifteen minute silence that had permeated the room and she could tell it as hard for him to give in. "Provided someone else is with you at all times when you work that filly and no one, no one else touches the horse. Got it?"

Sam was so close to smiling but instead, she leapt up and hugged him.

* * *

**.  
Ahh reviews, than you all so much and here are you're reply's:**

**sporty-chick-164** thank you! you have to wait and find out, patience is the key!!

**way2boredhorseluvr** lol insistant aren't you? this'll have to do for now afta4ever good to hear!

**JVGK38REM** I know I am lazy and I procrastinate but ta daa!

**Frezno** thank you!

**Shieldmaiden wot** first thing, i am getting to that, its development!! yes, sorry corrected that here. the boys? thats for you to discover, everyone else is learning and really amongst all the other stuff Brynna knows are you really surprised :P hey! that should hopefully be my only lapse in sanity, you know i can't stand overly sappy stuff, some stuff is cute but others.... ewww... heeby jeebies

**xXsweetiepieXx** i tried its a few months late but here you are

**disneydork** thank you, your review was so enthsiastic it made me smile, sorry it took so long. that's good to hear and thank you so much,i feel like such an amature a lot of the time

**HorseLover20693** angst isn't all bad, everyone gets agnsty about something!! besides where would the story be if the character didn't havesome form of trouble!! thanks for the review and here you go

**Cem214** heya yeah it is good and yes we get to that more later. thank you! lol sorta, and good to hear

**GottaGoListenToMusic** she did, and yes, go for it!

**CityWolf** thank you and done

**xxPaulaxxMo** thanks and nice style? lol mine is long, is that not nice? j/king, thanks for the review!

**ilovetk** done!

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	12. Arc II: New Boys and Brothers in Arms

**New chapter, wow I haven't dropped off the face of the earth**? **Not that I know of anyway :D**

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Don't wanna wake up to the telephone ring  
Are you sitting down?  
I need to tell you something  
Enough is enough  
You can stop waiting to breathe  
And don't wait up for me

- Go, Boys Like Girls

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**Arc II- New Boys and Brothers in Arms**

Sam's lungs burned, her legs stretched as she turned in the last turn for her sprint. She could feel the sweat but her energy was at an all time high so she could push past the pain and instead push everything out under her feet so that she could just shoot past Jake a few seconds quicker over the finish line.

She slowed down over the last two hundred meters slowly decelerating and then jogging the last two hundred with Jake beside her. The coach was waiting with a stop watch for the rest of the team. They'd started with twenty second intervals between each pair but he wasn't really paying attention as he was talking to a teen beside him.

The teen was tall and blonde, maybe two or three inches below Jake's height. Green eyes were long lashed and his skin was tan. His body was lean and broad shouldered obviously an athlete, he wasn't as broad as Jake across the shoulders and a lot less muscled compared to the lean soccer and track captain. He wore jeans and a light green Abercrombie polo with sneakers. A gold hoop glinted from his left ear and this far away Sam could tell he was going to be a hit of a heart throb at Darton High.

Coach looked away from talking only for a second as the second pair came panting in and just about flopped completely on the ground in face plants.

"Nice job, Ely, Forester good time, you beat him by about three seconds," coach turned back to the blonde.

Sam headed right for her gym bag so she missed the look that Jake gave the blonde as he stared at her obviously. The only thing she did notice was Jake hovering nearby as he picked up his own bag.

"Hey Ely," coach called out, Jake looked over reluctantly while indicating to Sam to wait.

The blonde had his arms crossed and this time Sam saw him looking at her. She arched a brow but looked away as yet another pair arrived, immediately flopping down to play dead. "This is Gabe Allen(?)" coach said as he took down the times, "Gabe, this is the soccer and track captain, Jake Ely."

Sam's phone buzzed at this second and she pulled it out, tapped a few buttons and blinked. A name she never thought she'd have to see on her phone was there, she opened up the message from Daisy, why Daisy even had her phone number she didn't know. _Omg! Total hottie on campus and I claim him! Get lost everyone else!_

Sam shook her head, she'd lost about five brain cells just reading the message. Looking up as she stashed her phone back in the small pocket in her training shorts and brushing some copper hair out of her eyes she couldn't help her eyebrows rising at the stance of the two boys the coach had left her with. Jake's jaw was clenched and Gabe had his arms crossed and his hips cocked.

Sam reached out, obviously they weren't talking so she wasn't interrupting anything because personally she did not want to stand here while waiting for them to finish staring at one another, and she tugged on Jake's sleeve. Carefully he turned his head towards her and she asked,_ problem?_

"No," he shook his head, he looked back at the blonde who was staring at her hand on the cowboy's arm. "Training, tomorrow, if you're game," Jake drawled in a voice that Sam had never heard before.

Then he turned, walking off and taking Sam's elbow gently in one hand to propel her forward with him in her surprised stupor.

And the blonde stood there and watched.

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It was after chemistry class when Sam bumped into something that wasn't supposed to be there. Or rather someone, she almost fell backwards as she'd been hurrying because she'd left a few books in her locker that she needed for next class and she would have fallen to, if an arm hadn't shot out and caught her.

Her eyes jerked up and she was met by smiling green, "hi."

Confused and perplexed she took her elbow back, wiggled her fingers hello and kept going on her way. It completely confused her when he fell into step with her and started following her in the direction of her locker. "My name's Gabe, what's yours?"

Sam shook her head somehow finding a gap to sign with her arms so full of books, _can you sign?_ He looked at her hands, perplexed.

"Huh?" he turned his eyes back up to her for an explanation and she looked away.

Sam touched her throat and shook her head.

"Oh, so no talking?" his expression was confused, "is this one of the 40 hour famine standoff things?" he grinned looking slightly worried and pitying.

Sam didn't answer him as her jaw locked, instead she pursed her lips, hunched her shoulders and elbowed her way past what seemed to be a lot of soccer players about her locker. She wasn't wrong, just about the whole team was clustered about her locker which Jake was standing beside, lazily leaning one shoulder against the one beside hers.

The redhead couldn't resist arching one red brow at him and looking pointedly at the lockers around them. But in the end she saw that whenever someone who actually needed to get to their locker approached, the team moved just enough for them to get through. They looked like a sea of green and gold letterman jackets as they moved and parted for students.

_Explain,_ she signed managing with her arms piled with books.

"We have English next, remember, the others are just talking to me about a few spare spots still in the team." Jake took some books off her and stepped to her side so she could undo her locker and get what she needed. This time she used her bag taking it out from where she'd shoved it that morning, shoving in a couple of black binders and a few of the books Jake held into it and dumping some others into her locker.

She was just shutting her locker when Jake took her bag off her, slinging it onto his back, his eyes narrowed at something down the hall.

She tugged on his sleeve and not looking away from whatever he was staring at, he placed his hand on her back and steered her away through the soccer crowd who parted like the red, well gold and green sea before them.

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Sam somehow found herself at the Ely's that afternoon after dropping everyone back home she'd ended up following Jake's instructions and directions to get to Three Ponies Ranch so they could work on their project together.

The ranch yard was similar to her family's own, two round pens and barn, a square yard and another yard connecting to one of the stalls in the barn. Chickens scratched and some cats prowled around. The house was completely different. It was two stories and made out of stone and wood, a long and low kind of set up with a front porch with a seat swing and wicker chair and table setup. It was nice. But it was nerve wracking she decided as she really noticed the people about the yard.

Three men watched her car as they untacked horses standing at the hitching rail. Another one was leading a horse over to be untacked. Sam was not entirely comfortable under the scrutiny. They were all dark haired with copper skin and dark eyes, Jake was so much like them. There were only minor differences in build being that Jake was the tallest of all of them, two from here were obviously stockier in build but just as lithe. The other two were rangy all of them ranged within an inch or two of one another.

Sam took a deep breath, grabbed her bag and got out of the car taking her keys with her to put them soundly in her pocket. They all looked confused at seeing her and she was glad she was saved the awkwardness when Jake walked around the corner of the barn pushing an empty wheelbarrow, shirt sleeves rolled up and wearing jeans and boots with his ever present cowboy hat. He looked up as if sensing her stare and nodded, "be a sec."

She nodded and stood uselessly by the car as he set the wheelbarrow safely against the barn wall and moved to talk to another man who walked out of the barn at that second. He was tall and broad, the most similar to Jake's physic out of all of them and he was older, obviously Jake's dad. So the patre gene was the most dominate in the equation because small blonde history teacher definitely didn't pass any of her looks onto the progeny.

Jake ended his conversation with his father and the other man spared a small glance towards her before he looked away and headed for the other boys that were with the horses and Jake headed over to where she leant against her car. As he got closer he jerked his head and headed towards the house, she took that as a sign to follow because she knew Jake did not talk very much at all and that suited her fine.

She followed him up the stairs, taking off her shoes as he did and following him inside the house. The smell hit her first as she was taking off her lightweight jacket and she breathed in deeply. It was almost as good as gram's cooking.

"Mom?" Jake called through the house, it was rather open, and through a stone archway to the right of the foyer she could see a traditional type of stone kitchen typical of about revolution era, except that it had been refurbished with new granite table tops, new oven, appliances and gleaming oak cupboard doors. It looked cozy and large originally intended for a few kitchen hands to make use of. It had a few additions like a breakfast bar and stools and one Maxine Ely bustling around the corner.

"Sam," she smiled at the red head that was standing just behind her son. "Hey honey, how are you?"

_Good._

Maxine smiled, "we're going to work on that project, can we borrow some books?" Jake put in.

"Sure, you can honey," Maxine smiled at her son. "Are you hungry Sam?"

Sam shook her head no. "Well I'll bring a snack in anyway, lord knows that if you don't eat it Jake will."

Sam's lips twitched in acknowledgement and let herself be steered away by the tall cowboy.

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Forty five minutes, a glass of water, a glass of coke and some of Mrs. Ely's toasty pizza's later the rest of the Ely men trooped in to Jake's room that he shared with Quinn. Sam had set herself on his bed, legs crossed and back against the wall and Jake leaned against the headboard of the bunk bed legs up and hands slung over them as Sam communicated in rapid hand motions her ideas on the introduction and Jake watched her freeze as his brothers arrived.

He knew that she always went nervous around new people. He ignored it though as obviously they were curious about her as they'd heard stuff about her around town and from his own mother talking about her.

"Hey baby bear," he scowled at his brothers' nickname for him and sent Quinn a look of discontent. He was almost the same age as Jake himself, the tool.

"You must be Samantha," Nate spoke up, as they all settled around the pair, giving Sam her room, she couldn't help but eye them all carefully, her lips twisted in an expression of thoughtful confusion. She was like a young horse, wary and alert but curious at the same time when shown something new. They were the something new but they couldn't help but be curious.

She nodded, one of them, the one that was closest to her of the new comers, was staring at her. His hair was braided back, his dark brown eyes intense, his skin was as brown as his brothers and he wore a choker made of interlinking metal and hemp.

He signed something to her, "_I'm Kit. I was born deaf."_

Sam blinked and hesitantly signed back. "_Jake told me about you."_

Kit's lips twisted in semblance of amusement, "_did he?"_ his brown eyes were lively, "_all good I hope."_

There were chuckles around them, Jake crossed his arms, face blank.

"_It was vague, he only said he knew a deaf mute,"_ Sam shrugged, hesitant, she looked to Jake, who met her gaze and nodded. She bit her lower lip and looked shyly about the group.

"Did he even mention us to you?" another spoke up, his tone amused, his eyes were dancing in laughter as she meet them with her own.

"_I know Quinn from school, but no, not really,"_ she ducked her head again, hiding beneath her bangs.

The brothers laughed, "That's not fair Jake, keeping the girl to yourself!"

Sam's face burned, and she shifted slightly. What were they all on about? Jake didn't keep her to himself, they were track buddies, they did homework together and their groups hung out together. If anything Jen and Ally kept her to them which was amusing as she was now used to their companionship and talking, they included her in just about everything they did which was nice. She was getting use to people, so really in the end it was her that kept herself to herself, if that even made sense.

"Boy's, Sam! Dinner's ready!"

About her, the boys all shifted to stand, Kit offered her a hand up and she took the offer at a slight glance to Jake whose head moved in a barely perceptible nod and stood. Two of the boys draped their arms over her shoulders and dragged her through to the dining room.

She would soon find out about them all, from themselves she supposed.

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**Ugh filler chapters suck hmm? I know, sorry, sorry I'm working on the next one, don't hurt me!!**

**But thank you everyone for the reviews but in the interest of putting this up a.s.a.p. for you guys I'll just say thanks to you guys or now, you've kept me going on this.**

**Love you all**

**Bellaria  
**


	13. Interlude II

I need to go back through and get rid of spelling mistakes... Sorry about that guys.

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Interlude

1#Sing

Hooves pounded the desert floor that rushed beneath them like a white blur and her blood sang crowding out the darkness.

2#Dirty

Grass stains on green pants shouldn't be that hard to get out, they couldn't compare to the marks on her soul.

3#Guilt

It pushed at her every time she started to feel happy, what made her think she had the right?

4#Struggle

To remember everything, to keep it locked tightly in her mind for her perusal, it was hard to remember every laugh, every smile, every frown.

5#Diagonal

It felt as if she was on a different one from everyone else. Like rising right when going left.

6#Accident

Letting them get to close, she didn't want, couldn't, refused to lose someone precious again. Maybe that was why she couldn't let them go now.

7#Where

Was the question she'd asked herself everyday in San Francisco because it was neither here nor there but it was, it existed… right?

8#Forever

Was a long time to expect a life to live, selfish even.

9#Care

To care was to be attached, to be attached was to be close, at times the closeness was like suffocating, but it was also like breathing for the first time and then, relief.

10#Feeling

Numbness was changed, it grew, these people, friends, they helped her to feel again.

11#Any

To have some was better than none, right? Half said yes, and only a small guilty part said no.

12#Secret

He wanted to know every single one.

13#Fear

It was desperate and all consuming, his heart and gut clenched and all he could think came in a single desperate, anguished rush, not my little girl.

14#Sister

She watched and she wondered to the person that still lingered in her elder sisters eyes, struggling to be let out, desperate to stay hidden.

15#End

Such a short, bitter word, it tasted like acid to her.

16#Sweet

The adoration that could be seen in the Ely men's eyes for the main woman within their lives.

17#Graduation

She'd never get that photo with her.

18#Shadow

Her former self could only watch, lingering.

19# Serenity

A mask she had perfected he found was used when she didn't want anyone to really know what was going through her head.

20#Restarting

Was not a conceived option though sometimes, selfishly, she wished it could be, and then she felt disgusted with herself.

21#Ripped

In half, guilt and happiness, loyalty and affection for her new discovered family, desperation for what could never be, hatred for the relief that she wasn't alone.

22#Mission

Theirs was to cheer up the silent redhead, impossible? They hoped not.

23#Oblivious

Other would think so, others were wrong, she knew.

24# Unknown

Like walking backwards through a crowd with your eyes shut, that's what life felt like at times. Stepping into nothing and everything, headfirst but backwards.

25#Practice

Breath, in and out, feet slapping the road as the sun rose, their breath rose, twin puffs in the air, breath, live, try again, perfect repetition makes perfect.

26#Back

Her eyes would go blank, her face would go pale and it would seem as if her body was vacant and he knew at those times her mind was back in that car.

27#Dear

Near and close, somewhere next to her heart, or maybe in it, could it exist in something that had felt so constricted for so long?

28#Without

She never realized how lonely she had been in those months of no friends.

29# Fire

He could see it in her hair, in her eyes, it sparked at him, her spirit a raging inferno locked behind a wall of ice.

30#Phantom

For the first few weeks she'd travelled around like a ghost in the house, and it would make him think of days when she was a small toddler with long red braids darting about the ranch laughing and carefree.

31# Events

You couldn't change them, rearrange them, flip, twist or skew them around they are as they were, things happen as they might, didn't mean she had to like them despite her love for her family she wished one had never taken place.

32# Guardian

Gabe couldn't believe the amount of protection the soccer captain had surrounding the red head, it was if the whole soccer team was around her all the time when her girl friends weren't.

33#Deeply

For someone so closed off he could tell that for everything she felt, she felt it with everything she had.

34# Town

They talked, Bryanna heard them in Clara's one morning as she stopped off to get coffee, they talked about the young, silent, copy of Louise. Wondering about her muteness and listening to the outrageous tale spun by Linc Slocum saying that she must also be touched in the head.

35# Sensitive

The Ely brothers knew their brother and how to make him tick, Sam was a spot that could make him explode. They took great pleasure in tormenting him by talking, laughing and joking with the redhead.

36#Man

He could do this, he could learn this, he faced up to his responsibilities, as a rancher, a husband, a father, sign language was just another part he had to do.

37#Cowboy

Jake tipped back his stetson and couldn't help but raise an eyebrow at the red head on the albino horse beside him.

38#Autumn

The leaves shimmered and changed, the colors a myriad of natural artistry, on the trees, on the ground, she raked them into piles and tried not to think about yet another season without her mom.

39#Whisper

He looked into haunted blue eyes and could see it calling to him softly, the urge to fix her, to try and help her heal.

40# Happiness

The feel of a silky coat beneath her fingers, the smell of saddle soap and horse sweat, the sensation of horse whiskers and the puff of oat scented breath on her hair.

41#Dust

Motes danced in the shafts of light entering the barn as she perched on a trunk soaping up a bridle, such a strange thing to be compared to in the events of afterlife she contemplated.

42#Midnight

The red numbers blared at her through yet another sleepless night.

43#Moon

The river sang over the rocks before her as she sat on the rocks by it, cast only by the light of the moon, a silent shadow.

44#Tears

Some days it felt as if she were a damn ready to burst, her chest would tighten, her throat constrict and she swallowed them back, and others it felt as if she were as dry as a canyon, sitting on her bed wishing they would come.

45#Silent

He would look at her and he could see it in her eyes, he didn't need words, she understood.

46#World

For so long she'd seen it in grey, the clouds, the sky, the trees, she began to hate it.

47# College

It wasn't far off now, Wyatt held in his hand four letters all sealed and stamped with prestigious names and addressed to Sam.

48#Cowgirl

She acted like one, silent quiet, she shrugged her shoulders, dropped her eyes and patted her horse.

49#Road

It stretched before them, sunlight stretching out tentative fingers over it, their shadows cast long in the light, she took a breath and pushed herself harder.

50# River

Wyatt stared at her as she sat there, the way Louise had sat there with the now grown red head in her tummy. He closed his eyes at the sting he felt.


	14. Arc III: Drips and Jabs

Katie don't cry, I know,

You're trying your hardest,

And the hardest part is letting go

Of the nights we shared

Ocala is calling and you know it's haunting

But compared to your eyes, nothing shines quite as bright

And when we look to the sky, its not mine, but i want it so

-Miserable at Best, Mayday Parade

Arc III: Drips and Jabs

Sam sat on the bus, knees drawn up to her chest as the rest of the track team piled on. They had a competition today the next town over and she was trying her best to concentrate on it, after all the weeks of doing sprints, long runs and exercises she couldn't help but feel nervous for the final outcome.

She looked up as body settled in beside her and then stared at Jake who turned out to be that body. He'd been unusual the last few days, he and his soccer crew sat at the girl's table at lunch time, walked her to class often and would be waiting by his truck when she pulled up in the mornings. She couldn't help but be perplexed. Ally, Darrel, Ryan and Jen were always running around now with funny smirks on their faces that Sam found quite annoying, it was like they all knew something and she was the onl one that didn't.

Added to that Jake had seemed to become fixated on giving her food. Ever since the night at his place where she'd only been able to have a few vegetables and a few bites of chicken which she though wasn't to bad, he'd turned up to school with fresh hot chocolate and still warm muffins from Clara's every morning for the last two days staring her until she ate at least half of one and at lunch he insisted on her taking half of is sandwich, it wasn't verbal pushy just sitting it in front of her as she sat with her water and staring her down until she ate it.

Very odd indeed.

Now he tensed as the newest track team member, Gabe got on to the bus, eyes scanning the rows of seats.

The blonde and Jake seemed to stare each other down, Sam shifted slightly, uncomfortable and Jake looked at her crunched up as she was and sighed. Somehow she found his jacket stuffed at her back as he turned her slightly, leaning her back against the bus window with her legs stretched out over his thighs. It was slightly more comfortable and it made her stare at him in wonder, trying to figure as to what could be going through his head.

A package landed on her lap and she found herself looking at another Clara's bag, her stomach practically tied itself in knots, and she pushed it away, shaking her head.

"You need to eat Sam," his voice was stern and she clamped her lips.

_I'm not hungry._

He scowled at her as the bus started up and she pushed the bag back to him.

His lips clamped together then and he frowned at her ignoring as the blonde sat in the seat in front of them, they had the school's 22 seater that they used for shuttling around school teams but there were more than enough spare seats, in fact they were the only pair sitting together, the others stretched out and talking, discussing the das competition in sleepy mumbles since it was just seven o'clock. She herself had gotten up at five to ensure her chores were done despite her dad saying she needn't bother, they'd needed t be done anyway, she'd needed to work with her filly. Dallas had watched her, the only one up, his wise steady eyes watching her and the wood he'd been whittling in his hands.

An almost smile touched her lips at the thought of the black filly. She'd taken a while to come up with a name for her, at first she'd resented it what god was a name you couldn't call but that had been fleeting neither ere nor there within her thought process. It was gram who'd given her the idea as the filly had thrown temper tantrum the had been sudden and explosive, right after she'd been standing still for Sam to treat her wounds. Waiting until Sam left the round yard the filly had duced her head and bucked out before rearing and going down with a slam, head between her front knees before doing it over and over again with indignant little squeals.

As she'd careened around the pen Gram had come outside, apron on, hands fisted on her cocked hips, she'd shaken her head. "She's like a tempest in a teapot, she needs an outlet, those wounds are closed enough now that you might be able to work her now Samantha?"

Sam had looked to her dad, his eyes were focused on the then standing filly that was gazing at his daughter from her place by the edge of the fence. His admittance was reluctant, but it was worth Sam's excited smile and exuberant hug.

Tempest, was the perfect name for the filly.

She was smart and when she got bored of something that Sam was teaching her she'd often stamp her feet and squeal impatiently. Thankfully today that hadn't been so much and she was starting to stand still while Sam brushed her, willing to walk forward when Sam led her. Soon Sam was hoping to be able to start lunging her and get the bridle out, she didn't want to rush it though, for the filly was good after only three days of starting to do something other than hold still as Sam cleaned and dressed her wounds. She'd have a few scars but Sam was hoping they wouldn't be too bad.

"Hey is that from Clara's?" a voice spoke up, breaking into her thoughts. Gabe was looking at her expectantly. The bus was moving, she'd been lost in thought for ten minutes or so already.

"It's her breakfast," Jake spoke up beside her, his voice a lazy, cool, drawl.

Sam sighed, Gabe scowled, "that's not what I asked."

"Yes but you can read," Jake shot back.

Sam held up a hand in front of both their faces, it was too early in the morning, then she nodded to Gabe and to pacify Jake reached into the bag, broke off a piece and nibbled on it half heartedly.

It was going to be a long ride.

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The two boys eyed each other up, both running in the same race for the school but this was more than that. Where with other members of the team they'd been competing against there'd been a comrade, joking and laughing. This was personal.

The blonde looked to the tall cowboy who'd done no more than lock his jaw, then look away to stretch slightly, dismissing him.

Gabe scowled, "what are you her keeper?"

Jake's spine stiffened, and shuttered brown eyes looked back at him coolly. "Stay away."

His words were simple, spoken from between gritted teeth, Gabe smirked as the cowboy looked away from him. "Why should I? You aren't her boyfriend, she's cute, nice, single…"

He set himself up to run beside the tall cowboy.

Jake's jaw was locked, his shoulders had to be forced to relax slightly, he tried to push the conversation to the back of his mind for a moment but he couldn't stop the last though that entered his head as the starter stood before them.

The gun went off.

Blondie wasn't touching his Sam.

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Sam could feel the tension along the line of girls, she was the only one from Darton in this division and she had to fight to keep herself from losing focus. The boys had been so angry when they'd come back from their race. Jake had won by a long stretch, but watching them accepting their placings she hadn't seen Gabe shake Jake's hand or vice versa. They'd come back to sit in angry, hostile silence, Gabe had looked slightly smug but she couldn't even guess what was going through Jake's head.

She pushed these thoughts out of her head at the starter holding up his gun, bracing herself against her blocks. She focused; blocking out the roar of the students in the crowd, in her mind's eye all she could see was a road, one that she jogged with Jake every morning.

The gun went off and she and seven other girls pushed off. Muscles bunched and flexed and her gaze narrowed into a single focal point of the finish line. Breath sharp, she sprinted neck and neck with three other girls, then two then one.

The last one was bigger than her, lean as anything but tall. Her legs were much longer than Sam's. Sam pushed lungs straining, arms pumping. Her foot was over the line and she took a bit to slow down her momentum, her breath was still struggling, the adrenaline pumping as she jumped up and down, shaking it of before starting the slow jog back to the finish line. Her opponent for the last fifteen meters came up beside her. She was much taller than Sam, probably about six feet and her long legs ate up the ground, black short hair interspersed with red and blue streaks was pulled back from a sharp aristocratic pale face, with cool mocha eyes.

"Nice race," she commented, her breath was coming under control now, Sam still sucked hers in, quieter than before but louder than this girls.

Sam smiled a ghost of a smile.

_You too._

The girl stared at her hard, Sam reiterated, pointing at the girl and then holding up two fingers, she repeated it until understanding dawned.

"Thanks," the wry smirk wasn't lost on Sam as they slowed up at the officials tent just by the finish line.

"It was a close one ladies and gents, between Darton and Preston High schools but Darton one by just a fraction of a second," the teen announcer sounded like he was loving it, "give it up for our mighty fine ladies."

Sam arched a brow, she'd won? And then she shook her head at the announcer, he sounded like an idiot, but an amusing one at least.

"First is Samantha Forster, second Taylia Novacia, third…"

She shook the offered hand of the black haired girl, sharing a smile to a smirk and then headed back to the group with a ecstatic coach beside her.

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Sam was tired now on the bus she leaned her head against the bus window, eyes closed not bothering to get up as the bus stopped off for a dinner run, all she wanted to do was sleep. She dozed lightly, exhausted they'd done alright as a team today, ranking forth on the school leader board, Sam hadn't done too bad, two firsts and a second. She'd found a friendly rival in the form of Taylia who with her long legs had just beaten Sam out of the two hundred meter sprint. she was going to have to tell Jake off for going easy on her too.

A body settled in beside her and she cracked open an eye tiredly to see Jake sitting there, a frown upon his face as he looked back at her in disapproval.

_What?_

He scowled, _you aren't eating._

_I'm not hungry,_ she rolled her eyes at him, hadn't they already had this discussion.

_You nibbled on a muffin and only had an apple and staminade for lunch!_ She scowled now.

_That's enough for me, stop pushing it!_ She glared.

His eyes narrowed and then without warning he picked her up. Stunned and surprised Sam could only stare at his broad back. What the?

"You weigh absolutely nothing!" Jake's voice was a low growl and Sam huffed in annoyance at him.

Once off the bus he didn't pause, he just carried her in, past the track team who stared in slight bemusement as he walked up to the counter and duped her on her feet before the registers.

The girl at the counter didn't bat an eyelash, only a slight grin betrayed her amusement.

"Can I help ya'll?"

"An apple salad and a bottle of water."

Sam rolled her eyes. She wasn't hungry, didn't he understand that? She felt like whacking up the back of his thick skull. Instead she huffed and crossed her arms, rolling her eyes to stare at the wall behind the counter. She was concentrating so hard on ignoring him she jarred in surprise as he too her elbow and led her towards a table up the back, away from the laughing yelling team.

Jake was eying her as he sat in front of her. Pushing the food towards her.

"I know." His voice was low and gravelly.

Sam looked up. Eyes confused and slightly annoyed looking, flashing blue at him.

"I noticed, missed lunch, throwing out your lunch, you're tired a lot, clumsy, way to light and your hair."

Sam's empty stomach felt like it was shrinking in on itself even more, her heart dropping as he pointed out things. Then she pursed her lips and straightened her shoulders, she met his stare.

"Your family is worried about you! You barely eat, you don't communicate and the only time you show a real emotion is around your horse!"

His eyes were hooded narrowly and he slumped slightly forward staring into her eyes, "your friends are worried about you. And if you don't start eating, so help me god I will take you to a hospital and make them drip feed you." The last part was an angry low owl, warning her that he was quite serious about this.

She met his eyes for a moment, dark brown depths looked at her solemn and serious. Sam couldn't help but think that there was something else he wasn't saying.

Blue eyes looked down and away from him. She never felt hungry any more, lethargy to food was so common now that she rarely though about it, she'd lost motivation. Motivation for school, for friends, for life.

And now... She swallowed against the lump in her throat. Tears burned at the back of eyes lids, pressing for escape.

Forcing them back, thoughts rose in her mind of the running, the excessive training. The looks shared between her family at mealtimes, her grams pursed mouth and wrinkled forehead, Reena's pointed offerings of food, Dad's creased brow, eyes that watch her like a hawk. The boys murmurs.

Thoughts of school and Jen's extra helping of carrot sticks, that Sam always refused with a shake of the head, the worried frowns of Darrell and Ally.

All their faces swirled in her minds eyes, flashes of images, concern, trepidation, frustration and most notably fright.

Jake touched her hand lightly, yanking her out of her thoughts. She wanted to cry, she wanted to feel something other then swallowing despair, this mounting pressure on her chest and everything pressing on her.

Brown eyes gazed steadily at her, concentrated and concerned. She swallowed, nodded slightly and looked away.

She'd heard what he'd wanted to say, and it took a lot for him to say it. He must be worried.

Not looking at him, hands moved, _I can try, I will try. But its hard._

Brown eyes waited for movement, for anything further to be given, silence between them, one minute, two.

"okay," he murmured, "I'll do it with you."

A nod was the only sign to show that he was heard.

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* * *

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**Okay do I'm not dead... My bad, I was seriously lackingmotivations for this... I'm going to try to write more, please be patient, thanks to all you lovely reviewers and I'm sorry it's taken me so long...**

**Everything has been a bit hectic I think!**

**Plus I'm now trying to study to be a vet so there will be long dry spells,ethics one was terrible because I got writers block and wasn't 100 % sure what ****_to_**** write.**

**Hopefully I can keep it going. **

** Xxx**


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